According to Journalism.co.uk, “Scientists have announced that, after years of research, they have managed to decode the genome of the common garden gnome!”
Gnomes around the world have been warned about a deadly fungus that lurks in compost heaps and threatens to wipe out the gnomish population by the year 2020.
Did you know that gnomes suffer from growth hormone deficiency? Yep, we do alright.
Gnomes are dropping like flies!
Our immune systems can’t handle this fungal disease and something must be done!
“GAFFI President Dr. David Denning, who is Professor of Fungal Medicine at the University of Manchester, says that fungal disease is known to affect almost 300 million humans across the globe but this is the first time Aspergillosis has been diagnosed in gnomes. He wants people who discover diseased gnomes to report it on the GAFFI website.”
And listen up…gnomes are considered to be “endangered,” and we’re genetic cousins to humans. This means that what you get sick from, we get sick from too. UGH!
This is truly alarming news. I’m pleading with you….help save gnomes from fungus!!!
Your friendly family physician,
Dr. A. Chu, MD, the Gnome
So um..we have a problem here.
While trolling the Interwebs, I came across an article that garden gnomes were “out” and tree yetis are “in.”
Which prompts the obvious questions…what the hell is a tree yeti and do they actually pose a legitimate threat to our very existence?
Well here’s what the dang thing looks like:
Pretty freaking creepy, if you ask me. This thing does WAY beyond the average gnome’s capacity for creepiness. No question about it.
Apparently, these tree yetis are taking the suburbs by storm. Have you seen any of these things lurking around? We need to assess the severity of this situation.
The Gnome Police Department (GPD) would greatly appreciate it if you could email any photographic evidence of tree yetis to us at email@example.com.
Over and out.
We gnomes have been super crafty over here lately. Supposedly, it’s springtime, but neither our tiny toes nor our gardens have yet to thaw out. Believe it or not, I actually started taking a sewing class. These chunky fingers have more than their fair share of challenges, but it’s been therapeutic and I’m hoping to have a gnomemade skirt finished soon!
I wanted to share with you another artist who is near and dear to my heart.
Her name is Alison and she runs Yellowbelly Crafts. Alison makes really awesome gnomes in Lincolnshire in the UK! Perhaps you came across Ron the Gnome’s shout-out about her business in the most recent edition of International Gnome Club newsletter.
Alison started making ceramics in 2004 after attending local classes. She uses kilns and molds in her production area to create gnomes, mushrooms, and garden areas. Take a look at these little guys…they’re pretty rad if you as me. And you didn’t, but I told you anyway. Prices range from about £30 to £55.
All the posted craft fair dates are from 2012, but I hope you’re planning on making some public appearances this year, Alison! Awesome work!
Tabitha the Gnome
Photo credit: Yellowbelly Crafts
Stop whatever it is you’re doing and follow The Louisville Gnome on Twitter.
Ugh another dumb gnome site?! I hear what you’re thinking. I’m telepathic like that.
“Everyday, accompanied by a friendly gnome, money will be posted around Louisville. Followed by a Picture and a Hint. Please spend the money wisely,” so says this mysterious gnome who has emerged on the scene.
The gnome game began in early February. And it is shrouded in mystery. SHROUDED, I TELL YOU! The gnome hider’s true identity remains a well-guarded secret.
The gnome hider apparently got some inheritance from his grandpa and promised to do something unique with the money. “I kind of, I really wanted to give back to the community,” the gnome hider told WHAS11 News. “As cliché as that sounds, that’s like, exactly what I really wanted to do.”
But these hidden gnomes are about more than just finding money…it’s about the fun gnome-seekers have looking for them. “I would really like them to pass it on to someone else that really needs it” the gnome hider said. “That was kind of my main goal. I mean, honestly, it’s their choice.”
All we know right now is that the mysterious gnome hider is young and that he works for a charity called Free the Children. Not even joking…I was traveling through Louisville just yesterday and frantically checking my Twitter feed for location updates. Sadly, there were none and I returned home gnomeless.
But maybe you’ll be the lucky one! I’ve seen pictures of people posing with 20s and 50s…but who knows how big the gnome bills can go!
Trixie the Gnome
Happy Friday, Gnomies!
Your help is needed…urgently.
There’s a gnome in a Brooklyn pub in urgent need of a name.
We learned about this little bugga through the Brooklyn Heights Blog. The Custom House in Brooklyn Heights (139 Montague Street) has a new gnome and sadly, he remains nameless.
Custon House FB: Help us name our new friend !!!“________” The Gnome has arrived from Ireland and will be taking up residence at the Custom House and Joining us during Our St Patrick’s Day, Weekend Festivities. We need your help to name him. Enter our “Name the gnome competition” for a chance to win a $50 Gift Certificate for The Custom House. Entries must be received by St Patrick’s Day. Like us on facebook to stay connected and see if your a winner.
We voted for M’Goodness M’Guinness, but don’t let our expertise influence your vote too much. Get your vote on, gnomies…it’s your patriotic duty and such.
Enter Your Vote Here!
Chug a freaking lug,
Dumblebore the Gnome