About DoorsOpenOnTheLeftAtClarkAndLake

Greetings, fellow gnomelings!

I’m Horace’s younger brother from the city! Much like my brother, I love nature. However, I was kidnapped and brainwashed by an evil troll last February. I was living in a subway tunnel at the intersection of Clark and Lake, where doors open on the left.

Since my memory was wiped clean, the words of the train conductor are the only real truths that I can recall. Using my trusty shovel, I dug my way through the subway tunnel and after six months, I have been reunited with my brother at The Gnome Abode.

Hi new friends!

Scooter Dude Schools Us About German Gnomes

Greetings gnome news followers!

It’s not every day that we learn something from a dude on a scooter. Apparently this guy, Michael Wigge, is scootering around Germany and teaching the world things along the way.

ScooterDude

 

Seriously, people. You HAVE to see this to believe it.

This is what we learned today from scooter dude:

  1. There are over 25,000 gnomes in Germany (we have no idea how that number was calculated and we won’t ask if you don’t).
  2. More than half of Germans don’t think of gnomes as mere ornaments. Thank you. At least someone understands us.
  3. Gräfenroda is the birthplace of the mass produced gnome. Mass production! Hooray!
  4. Scooters never look cool, no matter what.
  5. There’s a gnome museum in Thuringia. OMG travel list updated!

GermanyMuseumA gnome’s day is never complete unless a super important thing has been learned. Thanks scooter dude. We’ll take back our comment about scooters not being cool. At least to your face.

Tootaloo!
DoorsOpenOnTheLeftAtClarkAndLake the Gnome

 

There are 13,289 gnome items on Etsy!

 

Although we gnomes haven’t yet gotten crafty enough to have our OWN Etsy site, we still enjoy looking the pages of others. Today I simply searched for “gnome.”

There are 13,289 gnome items on Etsy! 

OVERLOAD! I don’t even know whereto start shopping!

Take a lazy Saturday browse through the first couple thousand. What’s your favorite homemade or vintage gnome item for sale?

Going broke one swipe at a time,
DoorsOpenOnTheLeftAtClarkAndLake the Gnome

Gnomes Still Patiently Waiting For World to End

 

Okay, so perhaps last night’s blog post was NOT our last. And okay fine, we all seem to be alive here at The Gnome Abode.

However, we gnomes are fully convinced that today is the last of all days. The Mayans had gnomes. There’s archaeological evidence to prove it. I don’t have it with me at this exact moment, but it’s gotta be lying around here somewhere.

So in the meantime, we sit…

And we wait….

With our creature friends….

Going about our normal daily activities.

Tick

Tock

Tick

Tock

Anytime now, world…..c’mon bring it!!!!

Possibly the last post of all time,
Doors Open on the Left at Clark and Lake, The Gnome

 

Are Gnomes descendants of Chinese demons from the Tang Dynasty?

 

If you happened to read yesterday’s blog post, you know that Horace went to an art museum and stole a bunch of stuff. Good for him! Anyway, last night around the dinner table, he was telling me about something really disturbing that he found during his theft expedition.

Chinese demons of the Tang Dynasty.

Check ’em out. REALLY check ’em out. Don’t they kinda sorta look like gnomes?!

I always thought of myself as a white dude gnome with a good soul. But are all of us really part Chinese?

AND PART DEMON!?!?

This is crazy disturbing. These demons hung out from in 600’s to the 900’s AD and apparently were pretty hardcore.

The Oxford Dictionary of Asian Mythology says:
Demons or gui, are prevalent in the Chinese mythological world. Gui also refers to the secondary soul that is separated from the higher  soul (hun) at death. The superior soul becomes spirit (shen), and  if not treated properly in a ritualistic sense, gui can become a ghost or bad demon. Important demons are Chiyou,  who fought against the Yellow Emperor, Huangdi (see Chiyou, Huangdi); Gonggong  (see Gonggong), who  destroyed one of the pillars of the world with his enormous horn, causing  turmoil on earth; and the Four Evils, which any new sovereign had to over-come  upon assuming rule.

Are there any gnome religious leaders out there? Anyone?! I have so many questions and don’t know where to turn!

Scared to be a demon,
DoorsOpenOnTheLeftAtClarkAndLake the Gnome

Climbing to California and Drinking to Belgium

My brother and awesome gnome rock climbing champion, Horace, let me tag along with him to his favorite climbing gym and post-climbing beers.

His gym, Vertical Endeavors, has daily specials for ‘student night’, ‘ladies night’, and ‘gnome night. Horace taught me how to belay and I only dropped him twice! Fortunately, he’s developed a lot of ceramic callouses from climbing so much and sustained only minor scratches and dents. He successfully climbed his first ever 5.10c. Numbers? Letters? I have no idea what that means, but he seemed pretty dang pleased with himself.

I got about 3 inches off the ground, which I was pretty dang pleased about considering that I’m about 3 inches tall.

He tells me that I’d better step up my game though because his goal is to climb the Gnome Dome in the San Bernardino Mountains of California by the end of the year. Oh boy.

Apparently post-climbing beers are mandatory in climbing culture. I can get on board with that!

We went to a bar called World of Beer, and oh what a splendid time we had! Being the “play it on the safe side” kind of gnome, that I am, I ordered one of my all-time favorites, Delirium Tremens. That silly pink elephant gets me every time!

My adventurous brother ordered a draft of Greenbush Loudmouth Soup. “Soup?” I asked him….”Soup!?”.

He smiled, nodded and fished out a handful of mushrooms to pay for our beers.

He let me take a sip of his soup, which tasted nothing like any soup I’ve ever had before. From this moment forward, I will be open-minded enough to drink any and all kinds of soup presented to me.

Since it was a Thursday night and we both had to work in the morning, Horace decided that we shouldn’t get wasted. He must know best. But I did want to get wasted. Sometimes having a big brother is a pain in the ass.

For desert, we got some odd “mixed beer” that had a chocolate beer and and orange beer. I couldn’t wrap my head around the concept and I still can’t. Stop making me try….my head hurts, okay?

As the server was bringing us our bill, I spotted something red and pointy out of the corner of my eye. Our favorite brewery, La Chouffe, had their sign hung behind the bar! There was also a gnome dude hanging out on a shelf above the taps who looked exactly like the famous La Chouffe gnome from Belgium! (An impersonator, perhaps?)

What a gnome-friendly bar! Next, I must find my way to California and to Belgium! But…how?

Happy Friday!
Doors Open on the Left at Clark and Lake, The Gnome