The Making of a Gnome Skirt

As one of literally three lady gnomes living at The Gnome Abode, the guys naturally looked to me to mend their torn overalls and ripped shirts. Just when you think you’re living in the 21st century, right?

But I didn’t let my feminism get the best of me. I gave this wonky machine a chance, and it gave me a chance in return.

Sorry boys, I’ve found a new love. And it’s not you.

sew

I told the boys to bug off while I made something for myself. I’ve been wearing the same, tired old dress every damn day for years now. It was time I made myself a skirt…A GNOME SKIRT!photo

You wouldn’t probably think to look at it, but skirt-making is an incredibly tedious process. There’s a zipper, and a hook, and an eye, and this weird stuff called interfacing, and even though you have a machine you have to sew some stuff by hand.

Personally, I still think that whole hand sew thing is whack. This is the technology age for godssake!

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

But after several weeks of trials and tribulations…voilà! A completed skirt!

Whaddya think?!?

Have you caught the sewing bug? Itching to pick up some gnome fabric of your own? Check out these awesome gnome fabrics!

Any other gnome seamstresses out there? I’d love to see your stuff. Red rover, red rover, send gnome pics right over!

xoxo,
Roxy the crafty gnome

Are Tree Yetis a Legitimate Threat to Gnomes?

So um..we have a problem here.

While trolling the Interwebs, I came across an article that garden gnomes were “out” and tree yetis are “in.”

Which prompts the obvious questions…what the hell is a tree yeti and do they actually pose a legitimate threat to our very existence?

Well here’s what the dang thing looks like:

treeyetiPretty freaking creepy, if you ask me. This thing does WAY beyond the average gnome’s capacity for creepiness. No question about it.

Apparently, these tree yetis are taking the suburbs by storm. Have you seen any of these things lurking around? We need to assess the severity of this situation.

The Gnome Police Department (GPD) would greatly appreciate it if you could email any photographic evidence of tree yetis to us at [email protected].

Over and out.

Muchas gracias,
Lieutenant SpeakNoGnome

Help Name this Brooklyn Gnome!

Happy Friday, Gnomies!

Your help is needed…urgently.

There’s a gnome in a Brooklyn pub in urgent need of a name.

We learned about this little bugga through the Brooklyn Heights Blog. The Custom House in Brooklyn Heights (139 Montague Street) has a new gnome and sadly, he remains nameless.

Custon House FB: Help us name our new friend !!! “________” The Gnome has arrived from Ireland and will be taking up residence at the Custom House and Joining us during Our St Patrick’s Day, Weekend Festivities. We need your help to name him. Enter our “Name the gnome competition” for a chance to win a $50 Gift Certificate for The Custom House. Entries must be received by St Patrick’s Day. Like us on facebook to stay connected and see if your a winner.

We voted for M’Goodness M’Guinness, but don’t let our expertise influence your vote too much. Get your vote on, gnomies…it’s your patriotic duty and such.

Enter Your Vote Here! 

Chug a freaking lug,
Dumblebore the Gnome

 

Gnome Sighting in Steilacoom’s Tunnel of Trees

Washington resident, Nancy Covert, addressed a concern that people feeling “watched” as they passed through Steilacoom’s Tunnel of Trees.

There’s a blue-hatted little gnome keeping his eye on motorists and pedestrians as they trample and plod their way though his humble home. (From the picture, his hat looks to be pretty red though. Perhaps his blue coat is magically reflective!) I’m not sure what a “Steilacoom” is, but a tunnel of trees sounds like a most excellent home for a gnome.

wagnome

So as any modern gnome would do, I did a lil’ googling.

Apparently a “Steilacoom” is a small town on the eastern shore of Puget Sound.”I got hooked the first time I visited,” said Steilacoom, Washington, resident Robyn Shalikashvili. “I drove around the corner through a tunnel of trees, and saw amazing blue water and every inch of the Olympic Mountains.”

It’s about 45 minutes southwest of Seattle and pronounced STILL-a-come. That’s weird…really freaking weird.

But the locals say this wasn’t always a quaint little place with small town values. Apparently, it used to be described as “wild and wooly” and saloons once outnumbered everything else. Now that’s my kinda town!

Alas, it seems I’m getting off-topic again.

My whole point is that there’s a gnome who calls this place home and he wishes to be left alone. (I heart rhyming!) Our buddy, Nancy, said another gnome once lived in this area and was brutally kidnapped to an undisclosed location. Let’s hope this dude has a better future ahead of him.

Antisocial gnomes unite!
Horace the Gnome

Michigan’s Rustic Gnome Helps You Brew Your Own Booze!

Some gnomes drink drinks and some gnomes make drinks…from scratch. I am of the former persuasion. Shocking, I know. But I’m lazy. And you probably guessed that too.

I recently became acquainted with a human named Craig Corey, who owns Rustic Gnome in Adrian. He’s been making his own wine for over 20 years and later started making home-brewed beer too. Now, Craig has opened up a new shop so you can make your own booze too…and it’s called Rustic Gnome. Oh and it’s in Michigan.

Telegram photo by Linda Campbell lenconnect_com

Telegram photo by Linda Campbell lenconnect_com

Why “rustic?” Craig’s all about getting back to basics.

Why “gnome?” Well look at the guy….he clearly looks like one of us. “I have a beard and I’m kind of a round fellow,” he said. Love ya, buddy!

According to the local newspaper, he’s looking to hook up with local organic fruit growers so he can help people make booze from scratch instead of using concentrates. Right on, man. Also coming soon: ingredients to make mead, cider, cheese, yogurt, and sodas!

Rustic Gnome is open 11-7 Monday through Friday and 8-2 on Saturday. Check out their website to learn more about how you can get tipsy without the burden of corporate propaganda.

Here at TheDrunkGnome, we LOVE supporting gnome businesses and wish Rustic Gnome the very best of business luck 🙂

xoxo,
Caesar the Gnome