I’m just the fiddler. So what do I know? Well. Let me tell you one thing I do know. Our band hasn’t gotten any gigs in quite quite some time now.

We’ve just been driving around in the desert and McCartney won’t even tell us where we’re headed. You know what I think? Whatever, I’m going to tell you anyway. Well I think, he doesn’t even know where we’re headed!

This morning, we took a piss top in some shithole town, Wamsutter, Wyoming…Population: 273.

http://www.city-data.com/city/Wamsutter-Wyoming.html

I took this shot as I relieved my bladder on the train tracks.

The other band mates and I were all pretty cranky after being cooped up in the tour van for so long. So we decided to go on a hike and stretch our little gnome legs.

Starr and I took the lead and walked between those crappy looking buildings to see what was on the other side. Whole lots of nothingness! I took off in a sprint into the nothingness, threw my suit jacket into the dirt, and kicked off my boots. The wind blowing through my beard felt awesome. The freedom I felt being outside of that van and away from the other band mates felt even more awesome.

Everything was awesome….until I tripped and fell on my face. I think my baby toe might be broken, but I didn’t have time to tend to a toe. There were more important matters at hand….the thing that caused me to trip and fall.

McCartney, Starr, and Lennon heard my yelp and caught up to me. But they couldn’t even find the words to ask me if I was okay. They were speechless, because this is what they saw directly in front of me.

Lying right there in the dirt, were a set of Korean exorcism masks. What the hell had we just stumbled upon?!

As we looked closer, we could see that one of the masks was called the Yangban Mask and the other was called the Bunae Mask. All I knew is that they were creepy as shit and I wanted to get as far away from them as gnomely possible.

Starr whipped out his smart phone and did a quick Google search. According to the Interweb, the Yangban mask represents the ‘aristocrat’. The character looks rather jolly, but sometimes has people flogged to death if they insult him. Whoa. Don’t wanna mess with that dude.

Wait. Come to think of it, he kinda sounds like McCartney.

The Interweb also told us that the Bunae Mask represents the ‘flirtateous woman’. Well hey there, little lady. I might not mind messing with you if you put a bag over that weirdo face you got going on.

Wait. Come to think of it, she kinda sounds like that little slut, Roxy, who’s still tagging along on the tour bus for some reason.

We looked around at the nothingness around us and could not come up with any explanation why these freakish things were buried in the dirt of Wyoming countryside. Rather than ponder this thought too much further, we made a general consensus to get the hell outta there and get back to the van.

I wonder if exorcisms really do take place out there with those masks. And if McCartney and Roxy have masks that reflect their characters, does that mean Starr, Lennon, and I have masks out there somewhere too?

I guess I’ll never know, but I like to think that I have a creepy exorcism mask, made just for me, lying in the dirt somewhere and getting tripped over.

안녕히 가세요 (an-nyung-hi ka-se-yo),

Harrison The Gnome and Fiddler for Amish Meth Lab