Have you been keeping up with your reading assignments, gnomies?
Do I need to remind you yet again of you first Gnomish literature assignment?
Tisk tisk. Tis all I need to say is TISK FREAKING TISK. Guess I need to catch you all up to speed then, don’t I?
Well the first lesson in Gnomes: Small, Fat, and Fabulous is about GNOME HATS! Hats are probably the most identifying characteristic of gnomes. Therefore, it’s super important that our hats are in tip top shape.
HIGHLIGHTS ABOUT GNOME HATS
- Gnome hats date back 400 years
- Ice cream cones can be used as hat substitutes
- Gnomes oftentimes hide warm pie in their hats
Get it? Got it? Good.
Time to move on to Chapter 2…gnome hobbies! Yep, we got plenty of ’em, so listen up!
HIGHLIGHTS ABOUT GNOME HOBBIES
- Playing electric bagpipes
- Learning to speak frog languages
- Joyriding on your lawn mower
Until next time, keep your brain cells moving, gnomes. It’s the only way we can continue getting drunk for the next couple hundred years!
Your literary guru,
The Quick Brown Fox