Literate gnomes around the world! Behold!

I have come across a text that documents the distant history of gnomes…far more distant than any text has before!

Cue Garden Gnomes: A History by Dr. Twigs Way. Yes, a doctor…a real, life doctor. No offense, Dr. A Chu.

Sir Way tells the tale of Priapus, an ancient phallic fertility god, which popped up all over gardens in ancient Rome. Priapus is known for his absurdly over-sized erection. Ouch ladies, all I have to say is ouch. Ahem.

This well-endowed god was mostly worshiped in gardens and statues of him lined the gardens of everyone wishing for a fruitful harvest.

Take a look at these statues. Totally gnome-like, don’t you think? Not sure where the statue’s erection ran off to though…

Apparently, there’s also a medical condition called priapism, that derives its name from Priapus and alludes to the god’s permanently engorged….well, you know.

This discovery poses a whole bunch of questions for us gnomes. Do we have special god-like abilities we’ve never known about? Should we be speaking Italian right now?

For even more historic discoveries, check out Dr. Way’s BBC article. I started reading it, but then just couldn’t get past the whole phallic god thing without further investigation.

Ya learn something every day….
The Quick Brown Fox the gnome