These walls. These walls are closing in around me. I have got to get out of this hellish backyard full of all of these stupid gnomes going about their stupid days.

My shrink said I have a moderate form of social anxiety and tossed some Zoloft my way. But the only doctor that would accept my insurance plan was a human and those crazy pills we’re as big as my foot! There is no way in heck I’m putting my foot in my mouth. Well literally anyway. Figuratively, well that’s pretty much a daily occurrence.

I have never been the least bit athletic, but this morning I read the most interesting article. Little Joey accidentally left a copy of DPM Magazine on the lawn chair back here.There were all sorts of amazing photos of amazing athletes scaling huge walls of rock and stone.

The article that appealed to me the most was about this guy, Andrew, who is a midget (a real freaking midget!) who taught himself to rock climb despite his tiny size. He had custom made climbing shoes and aeasiness made and seems to be making a documentary abouthis accomplishments.

If a midget can rock climb, why not a gnome?!

These walls that confine me to this stupid widow’s garden definitely are tall. But not impossibly tall. Could I learn how to rock climb? Could rock  climbing be the key to my freedom? Can a gnome like me find peace and solitude all because of a magazine article?

Time for me to do some research about gear and training programs. I will keep you updated. I’ve never felt such hopefulness!

Climber wannabe,

Horace the Gnome