According to Journalism.co.uk, “Scientists have announced that, after years of research, they have managed to decode the genome of the common garden gnome!”
Gnomes around the world have been warned about a deadly fungus that lurks in compost heaps and threatens to wipe out the gnomish population by the year 2020.
Did you know that gnomes suffer from growth hormone deficiency? Yep, we do alright.
Gnomes are dropping like flies!
Our immune systems can’t handle this fungal disease and something must be done!
“GAFFI President Dr. David Denning, who is Professor of Fungal Medicine at the University of Manchester, says that fungal disease is known to affect almost 300 million humans across the globe but this is the first time Aspergillosis has been diagnosed in gnomes. He wants people who discover diseased gnomes to report it on the GAFFI website.”
And listen up…gnomes are considered to be “endangered,” and we’re genetic cousins to humans. This means that what you get sick from, we get sick from too. UGH!
This is truly alarming news. I’m pleading with you….help save gnomes from fungus!!!
Your friendly family physician,
Dr. A. Chu, MD, the Gnome