About Doctor A. Chu MD

Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Dr. Alvin Chu, MD LAC DIPL OM. The Gnome Abode Health Advisory Board hired me today to serve as the general practitioner for The Gnome Abode.

I suggest that you peruse the list of services that I offer and schedule a consultation immediately. You’re probably sick and a mere one day closer to an untimely demise.

***Office Location: 17 S. Get Well Boulevard, The Gnome Abode, U.S.A***

***Office Hours: Monday-Sunday 4:00am to 1:00am***

Stop Whatever You’re Doing and Watch this 3-Minute Gnome Video


Paying for television is for schmucks. And we gnomes are NOT schmucks.

While doing a lil’ flip-a-roo on the ole’ telly last night, I could hardly believe what appeared before my eyes. I caught the tail-end of a mini-segment about a garden gnome clinic for injured gnomes in Germany.

And then with the blink of an eye, it was over! Drat! Double drat!

But like the skillful lil’ researchers we are, we tracked down this magical mini-segment and stalked it like a Dateline NBC special on Friday night.

(You know, the ones that make you feel less like a loser when you’re cradling your bottle of $2.89 Aldi wine on the couch. Because at least you weren’t kidnapped, right? RIGHT?!)

NBC is free too!

Ok but back to the gnome show…

The station is called DW and the show is called Germany Today. The blip about the gnome doctor is only about 3 1/2 minutes long, but it is truly wonderful. Some of us need to schedule an appointment with this gnome doctor and others of us are crafty enough to steal this idea and become gnome doctors ourselves!

Oh wait, that’s what I’m supposed to be doing, isn’t it? Dr. A. Chu, MD at your service!

Well if you didn’t already click on the video link at the top of this rambling post, click on this link and learn about this delightful German woman.

The Garden Gnome Clinic – Germany Today

My favorite part is when they take the biggun’s out for a ride in the car and strap on their seat belts. Safety first, gnomies! Otherwise, to the gnome doc you go!

Be well,
Dr. A. Chu, MD


According to Journalism.co.uk, “Scientists have announced that, after years of research, they have managed to decode the genome of the common garden gnome!”

Gnomes around the world have been warned about a deadly fungus that lurks in compost heaps and threatens to wipe out the gnomish population by the year 2020.


Did you know that gnomes suffer from growth hormone deficiency? Yep, we do alright.

Gnomes are dropping like flies!

Our immune systems can’t handle this fungal disease and something must be done!

“GAFFI President Dr. David Denning, who is Professor of Fungal Medicine at the University of Manchester, says that fungal disease is known to affect almost 300 million humans across the globe but this is the first time Aspergillosis has been diagnosed in gnomes. He wants people who discover diseased gnomes to report it on the GAFFI website.”

And listen up…gnomes are considered to be “endangered,” and we’re genetic cousins to humans. This means that what you get sick from, we get sick from too. UGH!

This is truly alarming news. I’m pleading with you….help save gnomes from fungus!!!

Your friendly family physician,
Dr. A. Chu, MD, the Gnome

Gnome Doctor Replaces Dr. A. Chu?

OMG watch this video – we have found salvation!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Tabitha and Alfredo need fixing….can we book an appointment with you, doc? 

Rock City Gardens’ Gnome doctor takes care of their iconic little people 

By Susan Pierce

Monday, March 11, 2013

“Behind the pristine grounds of Rock City Gardens, nestled between the Lookout Mountain tourist attraction’s storage units and rock outcroppings, is a nondescript brick building with paint-smeared concrete-slab floor.

Only the purposeful stride of a four-foot gnome airbrushed on the metal door gives any indication of the workspace’s importance.

Inside, a ring of gnarled gnomes in all sizes sit along the ceiling’s exposed beams. Their feet dangle above a large table where a pint-sized patient with multiple fractures waits for treatment.

gnome docThis is the studio of Matthew Dutton. It’s nicknamed the “Gnome Infirmary,” and the doctor is in.

The tiny gnome’s abrasions will be cleaned and his broken arm and leg stabilized with metal rods, much like an orthopedist would use. After his fractures are closed with epoxy putty, the patient will get a good sanding, have a new coat of paint prescribed, and be sent out looking much younger than his 60 years.

Dutton is the art specialist at Rock City Gardens. His job is to repair and rehab the old-world garden gnomes that frolic along the attraction’s paths and in Fairyland Caverns. The sculptor, who has worked at Rock City for three years, has also added more than a dozen of his own gnome creations to the little people population.

Additionally, Dutton and a team set the stage for Rock City’s special events. For this weekend’s Shamrock City, the crew built a four-foot shamrock to welcome visitors, painted photo-op props and dressed Rock City’s performance area with ceiling banners.

“Every day I deal with something completely different. It’s the most fun to me when I get to create something from nothing, when I get to use my imagination,” says Dutton.

Begun by Garnet and Frieda Carter, Rock City capitalizes on Chattanooga’s natural beauty with its trail winding among unusual rock formations leading to Lover’s Leap scenic overlook. Frieda Carter collected wildflowers and other plants that she transplanted into her big rock garden, according to Rock City records. She also imported German-made statues of gnomes and famous fairytale characters that she placed throughout the gardens.

These old-world European gnomes are made of plaster, which Dutton points out, is water-soluble. So, over time, weather conditions take their toll.gnome doc2

“They are hollow, very heavy and very brittle. Moisture softens them up. They’ll become pitted. Eventually arms fall off and they look like little zombie gnomes,” he jokes.

After graduating from the University of Tennessee at Chattanooga with a bachelor’s of fine art degree in sculpting, Dutton worked as a studio assistant for a who’s who of Chattanooga artists: Terry Cannon, John Petrey, Jan Chenoweth and Roger Halligan.

The diversity of skill sets he built with them helped land the gnome doctor job.

“His interest and knowledge with casting is one of the things that made him stand out when he was hired,” says Kim Jackson, special events coordinator for Rock City Gardens. “It continues to be a wonderful asset as he learns new techniques and works to bring gnomes and fairytale characters back to life.”

As Dutton doctors a gnome, he takes pictures of each step in the process so he can repaint the gnome to match its original design and also to create a easy-to-follow reference guide for future repairs. He’s learned firsthand the importance of photo documentation, having recreated more than one gnome scene on the grounds working from photos.

“I work from old postcards and snapshots to see how a gnome originally looked. There are tons of old-timey postcards I’ve found,” he explains. “So sometimes I’ll find a gnome that I’ve seen on a postcard and find what colors he was. My goal is to keep it looking as it originally was. I don’t want to change, I want to preserve.

“Photos are all I have to go by. If I know a particular guy (gnome) was in this scene in these colors, I try to put him back that way. I clean him up, fill him with expanding foam so it creates a core and (when possible) put steel rods inside him to give him some strength so he can’t just break off.

“Then I’ll join everything with urethane resin or epoxy putty, sand it to get the flaking paint off, prime him with an oil-based primer and paint the original colors.”

Jeff Raabe, director of operations for Rock City Gardens, says Dutton’s skills are critical to keeping the magical atmosphere at the attraction.

“Matt’s skills allow Rock City to not only offer our guests a beautiful place, but a fun place as well,” Raabe says.

Even when not rehabbing gnomes, Dutton still dabbles in a world of fantasy people.

His personal creations, known as Phigments, are a surreal combination of cherub faces on animal bodies. He will be showing this collection at the 4 Bridges Arts Festival in First Tennessee Pavilion on April 12-14.”

Photo credit: Connor Choate via Times Free Press

Gnomes prepare for “impending doom” snowstorm

Humans seem to have all sorts of lists about how to prepare for impending doom snowstorms. Stocking up on survival items and keeping warm always top their lists.

We gnomes, however, have our OWN list! This is how we plan to get through this nasty Midwest day.

photo (2)

  1. Snowboard on garden tools rather than walking to avoid slippage
  2. Wear the super-insulated pointy hat in the back of your closet
  3. Call in an order for beer delivery and make some poor sap bring it to you
  4. Hitch a ride atop human’s cars rather than trying to see above the snowy wheel yourself
  5. Refuse to do any work, even if you work from home
  6. Wear contacts instead of glasses so they don’t get all snow-spotted
  7. Set out all of your dishes on the front porch to catch as much as you can to melt into deliciously chilled drinking water

Hang in there gnomies…
Dr. A. Chu, MD, Chinese medicine professional and general gnomish advice giver

Pour Me Another Rum and Diet!


IMAG0505According to Samir Vermani, M.D., of the ABC News medical unit, we can get more drunk by using diet soda as a mixer!


“Cutting calories with diet soda may seem like a good idea — as long as it’s not at a bar.

A new study released in the journal Alcoholism suggests that cutting alcoholic drinks with diet soda makes them more potent than using their full-calorie counterparts. Specifically, researchers found that mixing alcohol with diet (sugar-free) soft drinks resulted in a higher breath alcohol content than mixing alcohol with a regular (sugar-sweetened) soft drink.

“The results were surprising,” said Cecile A. Marczinski, assistant professor in the department of psychological science at Northern Kentucky University, and one of the lead investigators of the study.

IMG_1037Researchers served one of three beverages: vodka added to a diet drink, vodka added to a regular drink or a regular soft drink with a vodka scent added so that participants would believe it was an alcoholic beverage. They then sat back while the subjects enjoyed their cocktails.

Those participants drinking the vodka-diet drink cocktails had a significantly higher breath alcohol content and had the highest degree of behavioral impairment among the groups, the study found.

“We are talking about significant differences here,” Marczinski said. “Participants who drank diet soda with vodka had blood alcohol contents as high as 18 percent more than when sugar-containing mixers were used.”

IMG_8124The theory behind this is that sugar-containing drinks stimulate the stomach much like a meal does. Having some food in your stomach delays stomach emptying, thus delaying absorption of alcohol into the bloodstream. The result is that drinkers get a less-potent hit of alcohol in their systems after drinking.

“This is why southern European countries have lower rates of alcoholism despite their increased alcohol intake,” said Petros Levounis, director of the Addiction Institute of New York, who was not involved in the study. “They always drink while eating.”

Diet beverages, since they contain no sugar, do not trigger the stomach to delay emptying, allowing alcohol to reach the bloodstream more quickly.

“The choice of what you mix your alcohol with can make a difference,” Marczinski said, adding that there may even be potentially harmful consequences for those who regularly request a diet soda with their spirits.

IMG_7076“In the long run, it’s more harmful for your body to be exposed to a higher alcohol concentration than a few extra calories,” she said.

But not all alcohol experts agree that going diet with your cocktails is all that different. Boris Tabakoff, a professor of pharmacology at the University of Colorado School of Medicine, pointed to the fact that study subjects drank the equivalent of three to four drinks over a five-minute period.

“Few if any bars will serve you a drink that strong,” he said. “If you want to chug your alcohol to the point of consuming the equivalent of three to four drinks in five minutes, you should not worry about calories.”

Tabakoff further pointed out that calorie-conscious drinkers might do better simply to limit their alcohol intake, noting that alcohol, too, is packed with calories.”

Copyright © 2013 ABC News Internet Ventures

I may be a doctor, but first and foremost, I am a drunk gnome.

Yours in drunk health,
Dr. A. Chu, M.D., The Gnome