OMG OMG OMG! Sugar Daddy Humps just gave me a diner! My very own diner inside the Stratosphere Hotel on The Strip!!!

As you may recall, this body builder of a gnome named Hubert H. Humperdinker picked me up poolside at the Stratosphere a little while ago. Our affair has been hoTTT to say the least. That big lug sure knows how to please a lady gnome.

Last night he got me really drunk off sake and handed me a stack of papers. I saw the words “CONTRACT”, “SLAVE”, and “LEGALLY BINDING” on a few pages, but those had too many words on them to actually read it. Besides, I couldn’t exactly see straight. I think I signed something, but I might have been doodling instead.

Anyhoo, I woke up this morning with a worse-than-average hangover to find a key and a yellow Post-it note next to the beside table. Humps was gone. Probably out hustling on the corner so he can take me out for a nice fish dinner tonight. The note said “Roxy’s Diner is open for breakfast, so you’d better get a move on.”

Um.

I don’t know the first thing about cooking, but look at these dishes! Soooooo cuuuuuuute!

And these coffee mugs! OMG I loooooove coffee!

I’ve never held down a real gig before, but perhaps this is The New Roxy. The legitimate diner-owning Roxy. Business gnomelady. Rich bitch to the max.

Shit. People are starting to line up at the entrance. I guess I need to let them in, don’t I? Where can I get a waitress? And a cook? And food to cook? And more than  4 pieces of dishware?

Shit. This is gonna be a long day….

Deep sigh of confusion,

Roxy the Gnome