As a wee lil’ gnome, I once read storybook about these strange creatures called dogs. I always figured they were mythical beings, much like mermaids or wizards.

Today, I was proven wrong. Because I have met a dog. A real. Life. Dog. They DO exist!

As you may know, Ramon LeBeef (pictured in green on the left) is a HUGE animal rights activist. Apparently, he met this lil’ bugga on the southbound 49 bus the other day and invited him over for dinner.

Lil’ bugga’s name is Pepe. I guess he’s alright, but I don’t really get what his deal is. He ate his dinner in about three bites. He makes this weird sound that Ramon refers to as a “bark”. He only pees and poops outside (who does that?!) Ramon says that if he eats even one chocolate chip he’ll have to have his stomach pumped. What a sad, sad existence.

Some of the lady gnomes said that he was super soft to cuddle with. I do NOT cuddle. I tried bonding with Pepe in the only way I know how to. By offering him a beer.

He didn’t seem interested in beer and he didn’t seem interested in me. Hmmph. Are dogs inherently sober? If so, I’m not sure that we’ll ever get along. Is this dog below the legal canine drinking age?  Are they more into hard liquor?

I really hope Ramon makes a follow up post to explain dogs to me and the rest of us gnomes. Hint hint, Ramon.

Utterly baffled,
Seamus The Gnome