The Drunk Gnome Is Shutting Down

 

APRIL FREAKING FOOLS!

Think you’re gonna get rid of us that easy? Heh. You hooligans got another thing coming.

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Happy April 1st from the magnificent highways of Southern Wisconsin!

P.S. – No, I’m not pregnant…no matter what the other jokester gnomes try to tell you.

P.P.S. – The hammocks in that calendar photo look mighty swell. Anyone know where I can pick one up that’s my size?

xoxo,
Phillip the Gnome

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About Phillip

DISCLAIMER: Due to numerous discrimination lawsuits filed against us, we were court-ordered to include Phillip in our blog. Phillip is adamantly opposed to all forms of alcohol and debauchery.

He works a 9-5 job pushing papers around. Rumor has it that he’s an accountant in Pittsburgh, but when you ask him directly, he is never able to provide a clear answer as to what he does for a living. He refuses to wear anything except three-piece suits, and we had to roofie him to¬†stuff him into this traditional gnome outfit for his profile picture.

We welcome you to send Phillip as much hate mail as possible.

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