After our first date a few weeks ago, I played it kind of cool with Jerry. I let him initiate the first text message each morning and pretended that I had other plans one out of three times that he would ask me out for dinner.
However, I quickly discovered that he’s far too dumb to catch on to my mind games so I gave up on all that.
Jerry took me by complete surprise last week when he invited me to temporarily escape The Gnome Abode for a weekend getaway. I was even more surprised when he suggested taking a trip to Napa Valley. All I’ve ever seen him drink is Miller Lite out of dented cans. He must REALLY be trying to impress me. Rightfully so. Hmmph.
This was also the day I learned that Jerry is a licensed pilot and has his own private jet. How hot is that?! BONUS POINTS, JERRY!
We landed abruptly in a field full of cows somewhere in the northern California countryside. I think we only knocked over a couple cows, but I dare not look so I can’t really be sure.
We arrived at the Jarvis Winery (http://jarviswines.com/) just in time for our 2:30 tour. Our tour guide was simply adorable. He kept making eye contact me with through his sophosticated black-rimmed glasses. Much to my disappointment, Jerry never seemed to notice. Arrgh! He’s so oblivious!
The vineyards outside looked to be in perfect condition and the cave cellar inside had hundreds of barrels of aging wine. A cascading waterfall flowed inside the cave and beautiful crystal sculptures lined the hallways. I could get used to living in a place like this. (Hint hint Jerry, if you’re reading this. But I’m sure you wouldn’t pick up on the hint anyway so WHATEVER.)
The tasting session was simply magnificent as well. I wrote down all of my tasting notes for future reference as our guide explained the intricate processes that went into each wine. When I looked over Jerry’s tasting notes page, there were doodles of cows and stick figures all over his page. Are you kidding me?! I noticed that he wasn’t spitting out his samples after each taste and that he was also starting to slur his words. When I asked him if he preferred the Cabernet Franc or the Petit Verdot, his answer was “Yummy”.
Before he started to embarrass me any further, I decided it was time to leave the winery and travel to whichever overpriced restaurant that Jerry had surely made us dinner reservations at. But before we left, I made sure he picked up a bottle of my favorite $195 Merlot. Our adorable guide was more than happy to assist Jerry with his purchase. 
Aside from some heavy necking and petting behind some vines on the way back to the jet, I can’t say that our trip to the winery was necessarily “romantic”. But I definitely give Jerry an A- for effort for planning our first trip together.
And at least he got us drunk. I always seem to like him a little more after a couple glasses of my favorite Merlot.
Cheers!
Tabitha, Future Queen of the Gnomes