Gnomes from the Midwest aren’t exactly used to checking the local paper for the tide schedule.

As part of my gnomish tour of the Northeast, I arrived in Maine the other day and checked into a tree stump on the outskirts of Bar Harbor. My stump host informed me about the free L.L. Bean shuttle that drops humans and gnomes off in Acadia National Park. I went on a short hike in hopes of tasting ocean water. I’d recently run out of potato chips and I was having a crazy strong craving for salt.

Apparently, the second daily high tides have been coming in during the early evening hours. That’s what the rescue crew told me when I got stranded on this here rock yesterday anyway.

Some gnomes (like Sheldon) have been known to swim, but I most certainly cannot. After being swallowed by the sea, I had no choice but to cling onto these sturdy blades of grass and belt out Journey songs ’til some Asian family spotted me from across the beach.

I’d like to extend a hearty “thank you” to the U.S. Coast Guard at this point. You guys aren’t going to charge me anything, are you?

Still drip-drying off,
Zookwinkle, the non-aquatic travel gnome

P.S. – Salt water doesn’t satisfying cravings like you’d expect it to.