‘Sup guys….Maurice here. I’m the middle Rumplesphincter brother who the others tend to forget about. Séamus is the oldest and I heard a rumor that he got himself all paralyzed and is working some illegal gig now. Good for him! Sheldon, the baby of the family, is a goody-two-shoes who has gotten himself famous by traveling the world and publishing his travel writing. At least one of us has been successful, I guess.
I’m a drunk. And I’m homeless. And I’ve never really made a contribution to gnomish society. But there’s enough gnomes out there doing that. I’ll just lounge in the mushrooms and stay out of their way.
I read a recent post by brother Séamus and begged him to buy me lunch. He did (!) and he told me about his recent trip to southern Illinois. I got jealous. I know I’m the deadbeat of the family, but it doesn’t seem right that I’m the only Rumplesphincter brother who has never left the outer parameter of The Gnome Abode.
Yesterday, I cleaned myself up the best I could and hand-delivered an application form to Gnomeplaya to tag along on the next adventure. Apparently not many gnomes applied for this one, so I won the spot!
I’m headed to Devil’s Lake in Wisconsin for the weekend. It just sounds cool. And evil.
Rumor has it that there will be rock climbing, camping, fishing, artwork making, horseback riding, and drinking. I’m really only interested in the drinking part, but I’ll certainly observe and report back on the rest of those active activities.
Time to stock my grog supply in preparation for the road trip.
Maurice Rumplesphincter – the middle child and homeless drunk (but now traveling) gnome
Maurice! Nice to know you’re still alive! Glad you got to go on the Devil’s Lake trip. I was busy myself, mountaineering in Timbuktu, sorry I couldn’t join you. Maybe we should catch up one of these days over some drinks! But only if you pay for yourself, and don’t embarrass me by drinking too much. Oh, and take a shower first.