Listen up, my fellow gnomes. Your spiritual leader is speaking to you in an ominous voice.
Today is the day you’ve been waiting your whole lives for. A gnomish spiritual awakening is just around the corner and YOU are invited!
There are just a few things to keep in mind as you journey from a meaningless petty existence to a transcendent and enlightened state of peace and beauty…
- All gnomes are welcome and accepted at the awakening. If you don’t like someone next to you, keep it to yourself because I don’t care.
- This is not (I REPEAT, NOT) a spin off of any human religion. Those are dumb. This is the real deal.
- No chewing gum during the awakening. It annoys me greatly.
- When the Gnomish Lord and Savior tells you to drink a beer, drink a beer. No questions asked.
So alright! With those strict rules and regulations out of the way, let’s get this party started! Here’s the details:
- WHO: You! That’s why you’re reading this. Dur dur dur.
- WHAT: The very first gnomish spiritual awakening ceremony.
- WHEN: Today at 3:00pm
- WHERE: The Gnome Abode (newly redesigned) Temple. Google map it.
- WHY: Because there is more to life than mindlessly going about your daily routines and you deserve to find purpose deep within your pointy hat.
I look forwarding to bringing you one step closer to a better version of you! See you at 3!
Your gnomish spiritual leader,
EvanGelical The Gnome