Betcha didn’t expect to hear from me for awhile, did ya? Heh. Well ya wanna know why? Of course you do. I ask such pointless questions sometimes. I busted outta that jail cell, bitches!

Screw this gnome police state! Whatever happened to that whole “innocent until proven guilty” bullshit?!

Jail sucked.

I was put this tiny cell because the guard said I was a “tiny gnome”. I am NOT a tiny gnome. I’m totally average. I could show him a tiny gnome. I could beat his ass into a tiny gnome. He was pretty freaking big, but whatever. Jerk. He never went anywhere with his guard frog, who had vicious fangs and a devious smirk.

My vision was kinda blurry from all the flogging and waterboarding, but I SWEAR he had a stamp on his foot identifying him as a bobblehead. I mean he did nod a lot. But there’s a fine line between being a “Yes Man” and a “bobblehead”

The guard wasn’t the only one who was mean to me. The other inmates just pointed and laughed. This one called himself, Cowabunga, and apparently he was locked up on a 5th degree murder charge. I’m not even sure what I’m being locked up for. My cellmate thought this was simply hilarious. I’ll 5th degree murder him. Wait. I didn’t say that. Strike the record.

I hit a breaking point where I just couldn’t take it anymore. I worked a bit of magic (NO I’M NOT GOING TO TELL YOU WHAT KIND OF MAGIC OR SPECIFICALLY WHAT I DID) and suddenly, I was riding a buffalo towards freedom!

I’m not exactly sure where my buffalo and I will go, but we have escaped the law. The buffalo roams free! The Zookwinkle roams free!

Like an idiot, I didn’t steal a copy of my paperwork before we rode off into the sunset, so I still don’t have a clue why I was arrested. Perhaps it has something to do with that monkey and the can of spray paint last weekend? If not, nevermind. Strike the record.

Zookwinkle The Gnome