Zookwinkle arrested in Illegal Gnome Trade Scandal!

As the loyal online followers you all are, I’m sure that you recall my recent disturbing post which documented my revelation that I had unknowingly been working for an illegal gnome trade cartel.


Well I write to inform you all today, that justice has been served. Or at least begun to be served. Well at least one dude was caught. You gotta start somewhere, right?

Last Friday, there was a huge bust in an undisclosed high rise building around the busy intersection of Dearborn and Adams. The GPD was in full force and the gnome cops were riding horses (which I found to be incredibly amusing in a “giddy-up cowboy” kinda way).

It was just revealed in today’s Gnome Daily News morning show that one of the ringleaders of the illegal gnome trade cartel is one of our very own!


He’s a regular blog poster on this site and seemed to be a pretty alright gnome. It just goes to show that you really don’t know anyone….not even the ones you live with. Where does this leave us gnomes and all of humanity? God, I’m getting depressed.

Anyway, the news report said that Zookwinkle was arrested and hauled off to the police station for waterboarding and flogging. The most recent Twitter update indicates that he is still be confined in shackles and chains in the Interview Room, as the GPD attempts to extract the names of other prominent criminals in this horrific scandal.

But don’t you worry….as soon as I hear any updates about that evil Zookwinkle’s conviction, sentencing, or blood pressure levels, you’ll be the first to know.

I still can’t believe Zookwinkle was involved in this. We just had lunch at the Corner Bakery last Tuesday and he never even blinked an eye when I mentioned my discovery about who I’d been inadvertently working for.

I need to pop some happy pills. We’ll talk soon, okay?

Phillip The Gnome

This entry was posted in Gnomes on the 9 to 5, Intoxicated Gnomish Escapades and Ramblings by Phillip. Bookmark the permalink.

About Phillip

DISCLAIMER: Due to numerous discrimination lawsuits filed against us, we were court-ordered to include Phillip in our blog. Phillip is adamantly opposed to all forms of alcohol and debauchery.

He works a 9-5 job pushing papers around. Rumor has it that he’s an accountant in Pittsburgh, but when you ask him directly, he is never able to provide a clear answer as to what he does for a living. He refuses to wear anything except three-piece suits, and we had to roofie him to stuff him into this traditional gnome outfit for his profile picture.

We welcome you to send Phillip as much hate mail as possible.

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