By now, all of us gnomes have read Sheldon’s recent post about his adventures to Zion National Park and Vegas (http://www.thedrunkgnome.com/world-traveler-gnomes/sheldons-adventure-to-zion-national-park-and-las-vegas/). Due to our jealous rage and general hatred towards him and we’ve all been protesting The Drunk Gnome site for a couple days.
Don’t think we don’t get the basic cable TV in the The Gnome Abode! Pish shaw. We watched the coverage of the NATO Summit! We know how it’s done!
Well sort of. After a couple days of hitting the GPD officers with our shovels and rakes, we received a certified letter from the Master and Goddess of All Gnomekind that our antics would not increase our opportunities for travel, but rather eliminate our opportunities all together!
What a hard ass.
As one of the most reasonable gnomes in the bunch, I had to find a way to get the guys settled down and in a more peaceful state of mind. I read Sheldon’s post again and tried to find something positive in it for the rest of us.
Then it hit me! Sculpting! The Styrofoam gnome sculptures at the Vegas art exhibit were truly magnificent. And oddly enough, those sculptures were made by a human. GASP. If a human can do that, then certainly gnomes can do that times like eight or something.
So I sent around some fliers and hosted a sculpting class in the northeast corner of the backyard.
This is what Pablo sculpted. He says it’s an elephant, but I’m not so sure. He kept taking swigs of Delirium Tremens as he worked with the clay, so I’m pretty sure this is the product of being wasted.
Leonardo started off sculpting an emu and I commended him for his ambitious endeavor. However, this is the end result? Emu? Eww. No living thing should ever have to lay eyes on such a hideous beaked creature.
Apparently, Caesar had watched Jurassic Park recently and has been obsessed with dinosaurs ever since. He says this is a T-Rex. I can’t say that I’m remotely terrified by this prehistoric creature. Well maybe by its sheer ugliness.
As the Gnome Educator, I can’t say that I taught any of my students about sculpture, but at least they’re not hitting cops with sticks anymore.
Trying to rub those hideous sculpture images out of my eye sockets,
The Quick Brown Fox, The Gnome
You gnomes think you’re so cool. “Look at me, I can sculpt an animal!!” Well what about a lizard, huh? What, we’re not cool enough for you to sculpt?
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