All week I’ve been trying to get used to living in the Gnome Abode and trying to understand the social dynamic around this joint. I always thought of myself as an open minded gnome, but then again I’ve never been surrounded by so much diversity.
I grew up just wasting time backwoods of bumblefuck with my slackline buddies betting quarters on who could pull off the most whacked out tricks. Those were the days….I miss those guys. No one judged me for being too tall or too short or too bearded. Being on tour as a world class athlete can be difficult sometimes.
The big gnomes here don’t even seem to notice me. If only they knew how hard I could kick their asses. If only they could hear me from all the way down here so I could tell them…
You’d think that the gnomes that were closer to my height would be friendlier, but they’re not. They keep criticizing my hygiene and I don’t understand it. This one dude is OCD about brushing his teeth, another won’t stop combing his beard, and some Fatty McGoo is always checking his weight but never doing anything to shed the chub. I’m a gnome of the wilderness, where hygiene is overrated. I don’t really want those sort of pansies as buddies anyway, so whatever.
If my little Lego hand had a middle finger, I would have flipped it at every gnome here today. I hit an all time low point of loneliness this evening. So rather than mope around and get wasted like I usually do, I decided to slip outside the sliding glass door and explore the back yard. Much to my surprise, I discovered some creatures that looked a lot like me! I can’t be certain if they were really gnomes or not, but their facial features and body structure had a striking resemblance to my own.
Their little habitat has a bit of Medieval vibe, but maybe that decor is coming back into style these days. Check out the bangin’ hotties on the left side of the pic! That’s Bertha and Gertrude. When I asked for their screen names and blog sites, they gave me the most puzzled looks.
I asked the badass looking dudes dressed up as shiny knight gear if I could slackline across one of their swords. More puzzled looks. It really is like these strange creatures are stuck in 1542 or something.
Regardless of all of that, they were super friendly to me. So screw those gnomes back inside the Abode. I don’t need them and their judgment. I showed my new friends some line tricks across some treacherous boulders, gained their respect, and got invited to tea tomorrow afternoon.
Tea!! Who would have thought a stoner-slacker like me would ever be invited to tea?! Hopefully they’ll let me ride that cool looking horse tomorrow too.
Sketchy Andy The Gnome