Introducing Gnomes to Paintball


Today I ventured out of my comfort zone in The Gnome Abode and traveled to a magical land called Newark, Illinois. Instead of carrying out normal, civilized days like we gnomes generally do, they buy bags of these strange things called Paintballs.


Newark, Illinois residents then put these balls of paint inside of guns and shoot each other. Brilliant!

They tend to shoot each other in areas of strange terrain with stacked blue barrels and structures made of wood. They just shoot at each other over and over and over. For no reason at all!

I decided right then and there that The Gnome Abode needs one of these Newark-style fields. And we all need guns!

I called an emergency meeting as soon as I got back today. I explained and pleaded to my fellow gnomes about the need for a paintball field and my plan to build one.

My pitch was not immediately embraced, as gnomes are inherently peaceful creatures. Only one guy  was quick to pick up a gun and join me. Every revolution has to start somewhere. Practicing on the paintball will even help us learn to defend ourselves in case of future troll attacks.

My gun is camouflage to help me be just a bit more sneaky on the paintball field. I’ve picked out a plot of land for my new best buddy and I to take over and renovate for maximum shooting entertainment. Instead of those silly blue barrels, I plan to install huge concrete gnomes to serve as shields to hide behind while pummeling opponents.

Stay tuned for our grand opening in the upcoming months. And if the other gnomes don’t like it, well we have guns… so whatever.

Shoot on!
Benjamin The Gnome

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About Benjamin

I like to think I’m the jock of the gnome group, but lately I think the universe is telling to slow down. I played middle linebacker in the GFL (Gnome Football League) for six years and won the Badminton Olympic Championship in 1962.

Lately, it seems that my ceramic bones just aren’t what they’re cracked up to be. (No pun intended) (Ok maybe just a little pun). Anyway, the other gnomes have been teasing me about being so accident prone so I thought I would contribute some of my best injury stories here from time to time. Everyone loves a good laugh at someone else’s expense, right?!

Instead of winning the Heisman Trophy, these days I’m winning bets on who’s gonna end up in the ER the most times per week. I welcome sympathy cards, flowers, and crossword puzzles. Much obliged.

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