Yosemite?! You’ve gotta be smite-ing me!!

I’m sure you’re all just dying to know how my rock climbing training program has been going. Well, as with any professional athlete like myself, there are always minor setbacks.

I snuck inside a crack in the sliding glass door, logged online and ordered (Yes, I have my own credit card. Sheesh) these training thingies that all the big shots say are essential to anyone serious getting into top physical climbing condition.

Rock-like thingies to hang from

I tried them out last night for the first time by hanging them on a low branch of a nearby bush in backyard. I can kind of hang on them, but then what? Am I supposed to do a pull-up or something? Suggestions welcome! The the minion gnomes around me saw them hanging from the bush and decided they would be fun to use as swings. The little ones fit inside the hand holds and totally threw off my chi.

This morning, I overheard a conversation between our Master and her Man-Friend last night about taking a rock climbing trip out to Yosemite National Park. I NEED TO JOIN THEM. I think this is my destiny.  They CAN’T leave me behind! So it is time to get back to training. My first order of business is to climb over this back yard wall. My second order of business is to climb Yosemite.

I hung this poster up on this wretched wall I am trying to conquer. It inspires me.

Gnome on a 5.10a

If there are any other gnome climbers (like this buff guy with the suitcase…who are you???), I’d love to hear from you. I’m trying not to get discouraged. But I fear that if my skills are not up to par within 2 weeks, Master and Man-Friend will leave me behind, as I would surely slow down their amazing climbing skills. Sigh. Back to those hanging thingies that I don’t know what to do with.

With bleeding ceramic hands,
Horace The Gnome
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About Horace

I’m that gnome who always thinks the lawn is greener on the other side. Sure, I’e practically had life handed to me on a silver mushroom, but still I feel that he is missing out on something great that I should be. My destiny is not being fulfilled within the confines of this spirit that I cannot accept as my own. I recently lost 0.04 ounces since I set his New Year resolution. I’m trying to stay motivated to work out and stop being a Fatty MaGoo. Recently I’ve has taken up rock climbing. Stay tuned…

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