Why do you humans keep disrupting our lives? WHY?!
Are you sick and tired of reading “missing gnome” posts on our blog? Well we’re tired of going missing! Ever think about that? Hmm?
We know we’re adorable. We know we made a good stiff drink. However, there has yet to be even a single documented case of human kidnapping at the hands of gnomes. We only ask that you return the simple favor.
A hand-carved wooden gnome went missing just 17 days after it was placed at Gnomesville, a popular tourist destination in Ferguson Valley. This is in Australia for those of you who are geographically challenged.
Gnomesville has thousands of gnomes who have left their gardens to be a part of something bigger…something magnificent. Legend has it that a long, long time ago, a Gnome was travelling on an Australian country road. It was at night and far from anywhere. All around was leafy and green. A pleasant place. He stayed a while. And another while. Other Gnomes passed and visited, and many stayed. Word passed around.
Anyway, back to the atrocity.
A dude hand-carved a wood spirit gnome for Gnomeville visitors to admire and enjoy. Then some asshole snatched him. WTF mate?!
“The piece of jarrah wood is about one metre long so wouldn’t have been easy to move,” wrote the carver’s daughter, Clair Bedford. “I can only hope that the thief or thieves are able to see sense and return him to his rightful place, under cover of darkness if necessary.”
Have you seen this carving in some jerk’s backyard? If so, contact the Bunbury Newspaper at [email protected]. This madness has gone on long enough. For the most part, you all get to choose where you want to live. Let us choose our gnome homes too.
Or else.
Signed,
Humps the Bouncer Gnome