Is Les Claypool Really a Gnome?


Remember me? I’m the cello player from the gnome band, Amish Meth Lab! You don’t? Whatever. You aren’t very memorable yourself.

As a musician, I’m always on the lookout for good gnome music. One of our newest gnome scouts introduced me to a new song today. It’s called “Granny’s Little Yard Gnome” by Les Claypool.

It’s an absolutely brilliant song! Now that you’ve watched the video, take a glance over the lyrics:

Content to stand alone
Waiting, watching, guarding Granny’s home
His face reflecting simple joy
But he is not a happy
Plaster boy “Careful sonny, not too close
Unless you want a lethal dose Of hardening…”
Patiently waiting for some shade
Wishing he could run away
Suppressing any urge to roam
Such devotion from a little gnome
I once saw a calico that thought he could fly
And then the lanky Doberman that tinkled in my eye
A pacifist by nature, with amble common sense
But if I had my druthers, I’d rather be a fence
Now Granny, she’s a good one, she shines me now and then
And come around this springtime, I’m due for paint again
On keeping Granny comfy, I try and earn my keep
I’m just wishing I had some eyelids, so I could get some sleep

He gets us! He really gets us! All this time I thought Mr. Claypool was a human. But there is no way that a human could write with such gnomish compassion and understanding. No, sir.

I hereby promote the theory that Les Claypool is really a gnome. A gnome in disguise as a human. It’s a very convincing disguise.


Your drummer and resident conspiracy theorist,
Starr The Gnome

This entry was posted in Gnome Beats, Gnome Scout Sightings by Starr. Bookmark the permalink.

About Starr

The guys told me to write something in here, so la dee freaking da. I am left handed but I play a right handed cello just so I have something to tell people about. Other than that, I just kinda hang around and make some noise. That is all.

Whatever and yeah,

Starr The Gnome

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