My brother, Sheldon, is such a pretentious ass. Who does he think he is, proposing a gnomish democracy and all?!
Well, if he thinks that he’s going take over The Gnome Abode UNCONTESTED, then he’s got another thing coming! Let this blog post serve as notice of my intention to run for the office of President of The Gnome Abode!
I’m really not sure what the job of President entails because we’ve never had one. Regardless, I think I’d make a better one than my brother. Why, you ask?
Well, while he spent all those years trotting around the globe, I was sitting back here making loads of cash. Odd jobs here, odd jobs there, an inheritance that mysterious was sent to me…it’s all been padding my bank account. And all while I’ve been spending my precious time getting to know all of you each and every day, right here at home.
That’s right, gnomes, I’ve got money!
Just think of all the things that we can do with lots of money! We can build roads! We can start a school! We can build a hospital! We can buy lots and lots of booze!!!
A vote for Seamus is a vote for money! I figure that there will be some sort of debate and/or battle-to-the-death scheduled soon. I’ll wait patiently until I receive proper notice to show up and whoop Sheldon’s ass. You humans may have wrapped up your election last night, but we gnomes are just getting started.
I hope King Jerry is okay with all of this. Hmm.
Your fearless wannabe leader,
Seamus The (Brother of Choice) Gnome
YOU ARE AN IDIOT STOP
ALL GNOMES VOTE FOR ST BASTILLE DAY AT NEXT ELECTION STOP
I HAVE MUSHROOMS STOP
THE FUN KIND STOP