There have been a great number of recent gnome posts regarding gnomes’ relationships with animals. One of our gnomes recently met a dog and another became enraged by the torment of a cat depicted in a cartoon.

As The Gnome Abode’s animal rights specialist, I feel the need to step in and say a few words.

Actually, screw words. I have pictures!

I enlisted my new buddy, Dumblebore, to assist me with important animal research. His job was to stand next to animals to see how they would react and my job was to jot down notes about each encounter.

Bird encounter: stealthy and strangely seductive. While hardly a ladies’ man, Dumblebore walked away from this encounter with a phone number.

Elephant encounter: smelly and the ground won’t stop shaking. Dumblebore had the unfortunate time of visiting these massive creatures during breeding season. Neither of us will ever be the same again….

Zebra encounter: dizzying and wasted. As a well-known drunkard, Dumblebore experienced a high unlike any high he had ever had before. Zebras know how to party and don’t let anyone tell you differently.

White tiger encounter: absolutely terrifying. Due to Dumblebore falling into a state of shock, we had to cut the research study short at this point in time. No matter how many times I tried to explain that their was a pane of glass between him and the tiger, he just didn’t get it.

And that, kids, is today’s lesson about gnomes and animals. Happy Friday!

Ramon LeBeef the Gnome