Your neighborhood librarian and academic expert here…..just trying to promote literacy and general opposition to gnome stupidity! It’s Friday and you’re probably already drunk. But if not….READ ON!
I recently read a book that some of you may enjoy. It’s called Porn Gnomes and Other Strange Tales by Paul Chapman. I know what you’re thinking….”Okay sure this is a DRUNK gnome blog, but isn’t PORN gnomes getting just a little bit out of hand?!”
Well I am PLEASED to report that there are no images of gnomes in compromising positions anywhere between the pages of this short story collection. WHEW. None of us need to see that. It’s not like we’re the most attractive creatures on the planet!
Anyhoo, this story seeks to explain the supernatural origin for the graffiti on the walls of bathroom stalls. This is a very important topic and I’m so happy that someone finally addressed it!
The gnomes in the book have awesome names like Stoozlepants, Hallyblomper, Phromfiggener, and Wendlestricker. We are always adopting more gnomes into our abode and they rarely have names when we get them. Therefore, we appreciate other gnomish name suggestions wherever we can get them!
There’s a couple warring factions of gnomes and a whole lot of dirty language. Sewer trolls also foil the plans of the porn gnomes. No surprise….those blasted trolls seem to pop up everywhere….even toilets! FREAKING GROSS YO.
The author, Paul, also posts his works on The Silicon Chickens Project. Someday we hope to see a real silicon chicken, but until then we’ll just read his stuff.
There are two additional books that have been brought to our attention and are NEXT on our reading list!
- The Gnome Lexicon – Marcia Lewandowski’s comprehensive study of gnome lore
- Goosebumps’ Planet of the Lawn Gnomes – R.L. Stine’s juenile horror story about what the lawn gnomes in people’s front yards are really up to
Why not pour a glass of scotch and pick up one of these literary masterpieces for the weekend?
Yours in staying smart and informed,
The Quick Brown Fox, Gnome Librarian