TGIM! (Thank goodness it’s Monday)

OMG! I love it when my boss schedules a 9pm conference call! It really starts my day on a  positive note to know that I have all my ducks in a row and that I’ve beaten the “Case of the Mondays”.

In case I didn’t properly introduce myself, I’m Phillip The Gnome and I work in a standard 9-5 office where I have the privilege of pushing papers from one side of my desk to another for an amazing 8 hours a day. My finger muscles are so wonderfully strong! I could lift a blazing car off of an infant with these paper cut -ridden digits. I have no idea why my brethren choose to work those low-level blue collar jobs in gardens and household collections. I am a valuable member of society and a unique and beautiful snowflake.

Sometimes I even get to answer the telephone! Yes! A real live telephone! And sometimes people even scream at me! There is so much emotion in their voices and I have no idea why! My boss has really never told me what type of business this is or what my actual job title is. Irregardlessly, I love listening to people yell at me and use profanity in my general direction. It humbles me and makes me appreciate all of the positivity in my life.

I busted my cellmate with this in his desk drawer today! Can you believe it? Bringing booze to work? Who would do such a thing? Tisk tisk.

Barenjager in the Office

Well I better get off to slumber-land so I can squeeze in my 5am cardio-kickboxing class and another amazing day of spreadsheet and agenda items!

Blissfully yours,

Phillip the Gnome

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About Phillip

DISCLAIMER: Due to numerous discrimination lawsuits filed against us, we were court-ordered to include Phillip in our blog. Phillip is adamantly opposed to all forms of alcohol and debauchery.

He works a 9-5 job pushing papers around. Rumor has it that he’s an accountant in Pittsburgh, but when you ask him directly, he is never able to provide a clear answer as to what he does for a living. He refuses to wear anything except three-piece suits, and we had to roofie him to stuff him into this traditional gnome outfit for his profile picture.

We welcome you to send Phillip as much hate mail as possible.

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