TGIM! (Thank goodness it’s Monday)

OMG! I love it when my boss schedules a 9pm conference call! It really starts my day on a ¬†positive note to know that I have all my ducks in a row and that I’ve beaten the “Case of the Mondays”.

In case I didn’t properly introduce myself, I’m Phillip The Gnome and I work in a standard 9-5 office where I have the privilege of pushing papers from one side of my desk to another for an amazing 8 hours a day. My finger muscles are so wonderfully strong! I could lift a blazing car off of an infant with these paper cut -ridden digits. I have no idea why my brethren choose to work those low-level blue collar jobs in gardens and household collections. I am a valuable member of society and a unique and beautiful snowflake.

Sometimes I even get to answer the telephone! Yes! A real live telephone! And sometimes people even scream at me! There is so much emotion in their voices and I have no idea why! My boss has really never told me what type of business this is or what my actual job title is. Irregardlessly, I love listening to people yell at me and use profanity in my general direction. It humbles me and makes me appreciate all of the positivity in my life.

I busted my cellmate with this in his desk drawer today! Can you believe it? Bringing booze to work? Who would do such a thing? Tisk tisk.

Barenjager in the Office

Well I better get off to slumber-land so I can squeeze in my 5am cardio-kickboxing class and another amazing day of spreadsheet and agenda items!

Blissfully yours,

Phillip the Gnome

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About Phillip

DISCLAIMER: Due to numerous discrimination lawsuits filed against us, we were court-ordered to include Phillip in our blog. Phillip is adamantly opposed to all forms of alcohol and debauchery.

He works a 9-5 job pushing papers around. Rumor has it that he’s an accountant in Pittsburgh, but when you ask him directly, he is never able to provide a clear answer as to what he does for a living. He refuses to wear anything except three-piece suits, and we had to roofie him to¬†stuff him into this traditional gnome outfit for his profile picture.

We welcome you to send Phillip as much hate mail as possible.

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