A sales pitch for gnome balloons

 

Balloons aren’t just for birthdays or hot air rides anymore! We have discovered that GNOME BALLOONS exist and we have since adopted dozens of them here at The Gnome Abode.

Gnome balloons make great therapists. Just lie down on the couch and tell him your problems. He’s not going anywhere. Unless he’s filled with helium. And in that case, you’d better make sure he’s tied down so you get your money’s worth. Therapy ain’t cheap, people.

photoGnome balloons make great secretaries! Hate answering the phone and dealing with people? Awful at organizing your own schedule? Gnome balloons will get all your ducks in a row and all you i’s dotted. And if you ask really nicely, your gnome may be willing to dot your i’s with hearts or smiley faces.

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Gnome balloons are always full of surprises! Whether it’s a nicely wrapped gift or a roll of toilet paper, you can be sure that each day with your gnome balloon will be different than the last.

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Get your gnome balloon TODAY to make your life just a little less shitty. Only $9.99 on Amazon. fineprintfineprintfineprintfineprint

Peace out,
McCartney The Gnome

(and Amish Meth Lab band member. Tour dates are slow this time of year so I picked up a sales job, okay? Don’t judge me)

This entry was posted in Gnomes on the 9 to 5, Intoxicated Gnomish Escapades and Ramblings by McCartney. Bookmark the permalink.

About McCartney

As a world-renown English musician, singer-songwriter and composer, I am listed in the Guinness World Records as the “most successful musician and composer in popular gnome music history”, with 60 gold disks and sales of 100 million singles in the United Kingdom alone.

I am the founder and backbone of Amish Meth Lab. I am the responsible one who schedules band practices and gets books all our gigs. Without me, those other jackoffs would still be playing in my ex-girlfriend’s basement. I have mastered every instrument that a gnome is capable of holding. However, my most recent passion is singing and conducting with a magical wand of pixie dust. A sprinkling of meth dust is emitted from the tip of the magical wand, and suddenly audiences love us!

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