Always a gnome bridesmaid, never a gnome bride…

Today is this bitch’s wedding that I agreed to be a bridesmaid in for some reason. I met this bitch back when we were students at The Etiquette Academy of Elite Gnomettes and she’s a bitch because she’s getting married.

All things aside, she’s pretty much perfect and wholesome…..former Gnome Corps volunteer, tutor for underprivileged gnome kids, etc, etc. But I would much rather be spending my precious Saturday at the new massage parlor next door than standing up next to that bitch in a hideous dress pretending to be happy for her when it is ME who should be the one in the white dress! Not this hideous purple thing that glows in the dark!


When is Jerry going to propose to me and make me Queen of The Gnome Abode?! He sure is taking his sweet time. I getting any younger, you know. I’m bringing him along as my wedding date in hopes that he will pick up on my less than subtle hint that is it HIS turn to step up to the plate and grow some gnome balls.

I simply despite going to events in which I am not the center of attention. What’s the point?

I changed Jerry’s desktop background on his work computer to this image last week just to give him a subtle hint. Either he had better propose to me with this exact diamond by the end of the reception or I’ll have to sabotage the marriage of my bitch friend and whoever the hell this schmuck is that she’s marrying today. If I can’t be Queen, then no one gets to be happy. Not in The Gnome Abode.


Vindictive and determined,

Tabitha the soon-to-be Queen Gnome

This entry was posted in Intoxicated Gnomish Escapades and Ramblings by Tabitha. Bookmark the permalink.

About Tabitha

I was presented with an opportunity, I seized it, and here I am in this so called “Gnome Abode”. Last weekend, I hesitantly vacated my extravagant mansion with an ocean view in California with one mission: To manipulate the King of the Gnomes into making me his wife so I can rule the gnome world and beyond.

I’ve heard rumors that he’s a pushover. I’ve also heard that the only other female gnome here is a total  skank.

Allow me to introduce myself…I am Tabitha and you will soon be worshiping me as your Queen as I rise in the ranks of high gnome society.

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