I have seen the light!
This image appeared to me in a magnificent dream I had last night after passing out from a rum binge. The enormous glowing gnome said to me,
“Hey Evan! I know you’re trying to start up a gnome religion and all and that’s cool, man. I thought I’d help point you in the right direction.
Read over my shoulder, why dontcha. This here glowing book lists the most important tenets of the gnome religion, for which you are destined to be a prophet.
These are the lines that I read over the glowing gnome’s shoulder:
- Thou shalt form religious principles from conscience, thinking and life’s experiences as a gnome.
- Thou shalt support freedom of religious thought among gnomes.
- Thou shalt consult honor nature to find peace and meaning in life as a gnome.
- Thou shalt consume copious amount of alcohol with other gnomes for the purposes of achieving enlightenment.
I’m pretty sure there were other “thou shalts” as well, but I got so excited that I stopped reading and ran out into the streets to proclaim the word of the gnomish lord and savior.
Crap. I forgot to ask that guy’s name. Does he go by “God” like most of the deities out there? Or does he go by something a tad more creative? Hmm. Must find out. *updates to-do list*
I found a couple sources from past gnome prophets that claim to help gnomes find spirituality, but I say they’re all rubbish. You can read for yourself! I’m not here to hide anything….I’m here to point out why the past prophets sucked and why I am the most awesome prophet so far!http://gnomopedia.comli.com/wiki/index.php/Gnome_religion
http://redtide.wikidot.com/gnome-religion
Human Christmas might be over, but the spiritual awakening of the gnomes is just beginning! I have some emails out to property managers about renting worship space. Stay tuned for my upcoming spiritual quest schedule!
Yours in light, truth, and drunken enlightenment.
EvanGelical The Prophet Gnome