Grow Your Own Gnome?! Preposterous!


You’ll never believe what I came across in the supermarket checkout line¬†today. A packaged toy proclaiming to “grow” gnomes.


Well let me tell you something. Gnomes do NOT grow from packages. We are born…popped out of vaginas just like you after our gnomish mommies and daddies get it on. This is a total hoax, so don’t you go on a minute believing it.

Although I hated monetarily supporting such a fraudulent manufacturing company, I just HAD to buy one and see what kind of “gnome” would allegedly “grow”. The back of the package said to put the tiny creature into water and it would grow 600 times its size.

600 times!? This doesn’t sound healthy at all! How would you like to get 600 times fatter in just three days?!


Naturally, my curiosity got the better of me. I put the lil’ bugga in some water. The water was contained in a yellow¬†gnome bowl. Naturally.

Three days have now passed…hence my blog post. I covered my eyes as I walked to the kitchen to see what monstrosity lie in the bowl. This is what i found, staring back at me.


It hasn’t moved any and it hasn’t said a word to me. I don’t know what to make of this so-called gnome, but I don’t trust it.

Should I stab it repeatedly? Should I nurse it back to it’s original size? What do you think I should do?!

Tormented in Tinsel Town,
Yankee Doodle The Gnome

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

301 Moved Permanently

Moved Permanently

The document has moved here.