Oh hello there. I didn’t see you reading over my shoulder. Anyway, allow me to introduce myself. I am The Quick Brown Fox and after a grueling interview process, I have been hired as the Librarian and Gnome Educator for The Gnome Abode.
Gnomeplaya, the master and goddess of all gnomekind, reached out to me via electronic mail one hazy afternoon. I rubbed the hangover crust out of my eyes and couldn’t believe what had arrived in my inbox!
She and I happened to cross paths at the supermarket the previous day. She noticed that I was wearing glasses. Apparently, this simple fact gave me an automatic opportunity to interview for the position of Librarian and Gnome Educator. Who knew?!
There was an extensive hazing process that I would rather not relive. Don’t make me. Don’t. I SAID DON’T!!!!!!
Yesterday, I was awoken from a hangover nap by a call from Gnomeplaya congratulating me on being hired for the position! Today is my first day on the job. I’ve been sipping Bailey’s in my coffee all day to stay awake. It’s been awhile since I’ve had a day job. These early hours will take some getting used to.
The first thing I’ve notice is that there are A LOT of dumb gnomes around this place. Everyone I’ve talked to can barely read or write and they know nothing about their own cultural background. What a disgrace!
Oh my credentials? Of course I have credentials. Pish posh. I graduated from Remedial Gnome Community College (RGCC) in the Spring of 1943. Yeah. So take that.
The first thing I did was bring in my collection of reading materials to start a library in The Gnome Abode. I also threw some educational puzzles and games in there to help these gnomes get less dumb.
What am I currently reading, you ask? Oh why of course I’ll tell you! And yes, as a matter of fact I DO have conversations with myself on a regular basis!
I’m currently reading “Have Gnomes Will Travel” by Elaine and Les Bailey. Elaine is a most delightful author who lives Alberta, Canada (eh?) and writes about gnomes and cats. Elaine travels with two gnomes, Sir Ced and Sir Tommy, and they even have their own passports! I’ve applied for a passport three times and I have never been granted one! Damn government. I seriously wonder who those lucky bastards know to push them through the corrupt system. Anyway, it seems that Ced and Tommy get to go on a cruise!
About the Author: http://www.telusplanet.net/public/pawspub/author.html
It also seems that these lil’ buggas drink something called “grog”. I typically enjoy a slightly chilled glass of aged scotch when I settle in with a good book. But thanks to Wikipedia, I learned something useful today! Grog refers to a lot of different types of alcohol, mixtures of types of alcohol, and all around alcohol goodness. You just have to read it to believe it:
Well kids…with that helpful gnome knowledge tip of the day, I’m off to dust some shelves and set up my new office space with some energy-efficient lighting fixtures.
Gnome Knowledge = Gnome Power,
The Quick Brown Fox, The Gnome