Screw everyone. I’m hitchhiking.

So yeah get this. I’ve been riding around in this smelly ass van now for over a month with what I thought was the HOTTEST BAND EVER, Amish Meth Lab. We’ll they’re getting kinda lame. So it’s time for me to bail.

The band hasn’t had a gig since I’ve been riding along with them. Ugh. We keep making these stupid pit stops in boofoo middle of nowhere shit towns in Wyoming and whatever that state next to Wyoming is. Meh. We’ve been out of pot for about a week now. WTF? I’ve hooked up with each of them, and I can’t say any of the four were all that memorable. Womp womp.

Yeah, it’s time. So I guess this is my farewell letter to the band or something. It’s not really worth the dramatic confrontation to me to do it person, so bloggidy blog blog blog. GET IT?!

I did learn something by hanging out with Amish Meth Lab this path month at least. I learned that it doesn’t take SHIT for talent to be a rock star! Therefore, (drum roll, please) I am going to be the next big girl gnome pop singer! Mark my words. You read ’em here first!

I can dance like yo’ momma wouldn’t want you to see. And I can lip sync pretty freaking good.

Brittany Beavers is totally what I wanna be….and what I know I can be! Ever since she won Gnome Idol last season, I’ve been stalking her on Twitter. I think we could totally be, like, best friends forever.

Based on Brittany’s last Twitter post, she’s gonna be touring around some clubs in NYC for a few weeks. So that’s where I’m headed. Do I gotta car? Nope. I don’t need one! Do I got tits. Ah hells yeah!

I got a extra-small size tank top on and extra tube of lipstick in my purse. I’m hittin’ the highway, bitches. Pick me up if you see my stuttin’ my stuff along the interstate, will ya? If you’re good, you might get something in return. If you’re not, you’ll get a bullet to the eyeball. Don’t even think for a second that I’m not carrying a 9mm in my garter belt!!

See ya on the side of the road, (I think I’m still somewhere in Wyoming, but I’m not exactly sure),

Roxy the Gnome




This entry was posted in Gnome Beats, Secrets of a Slutty Girl Gnome by Roxy. Bookmark the permalink.

About Roxy

So whaddya think of my tits? C’mon. I’m the only girl gnome in this whole bunch. How could I NOT be a slut? I would certainly welcome other gnome girlfriends but I yet to find a single one. If you see one hookin’ a street corner, send her my way, eh? I stay out too late, I drink too much, and I find myself in sketchy situations on a daily basis. But you’ll love the stories that come out of it, cross my tits. 




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