Gnome News Daily
Reported by: Gnomeplaya
9:29 p.m. CDT, April 18, 2012
RURAL GNOME ABODE REGION – Countless miniature gnomes were injured in a horrific automobile accident that occurred at approximately 8:24 p.m. next to the railroad tracks at the intersection of Mushroomhead Boulevard and Smokestack Lane.
*That graphic image was intended only for mature audiences, so if you’re immature then yeah…sucks to be you.*
The driver of the Gnomemobile, who has been identified as Morgan Freeman, was reportedly transporting an unidentified number of miniature gnomes from the “wrong side of the tracks” to the “right side of the tracks”. It is not clear what the “right side of the tracks” had to offer, as interviews of the survivors have not yet been conducted. The names of the miniature gnomes have not yet been released, but their families are scheduled to be notified about the condition of their loved one by certified mail next week or so.
The names of the driver and passenger of the orange Jeep have not yet been released by the GPD. All we know at this point is that one of them was a knight and the other one was a midget. Both individuals appeared to be incredibly intoxicated when approached at the accident scene. However, these allegations have not yet been verified since toxicology reports are still pending.
GPD Chief, Fatty McGoo, issued the following statement:
“This is an ongoing investigation and we will provide you media whores more details as they become available. At this time, it is unclear why the driver of the orange Jeep was in such a hurry. It is also unclear why Mr. Freeman was carrying six times the legal limit of gnomes in his truck bed. And finally, it is unclear how many gnomes are injured because there’s just too damn many of them to keep track of. So why dontcha piss off and the GPD get to the bottom of this mess.”
Reporting live from the accident scene, this is Gnomeplaya signing off until that guy is less cranky and more informative.
All of our hearts at Gnome News Daily go out to the victims and pray that your families have time between the hours of 9 to 5 to pick up your certified letter at the post office and discover if your loved one has suffered an untimely demise.