Biohazzard Elephants in Australia: Debut Masterpiece by Horace The Gnome

Perhaps rock climbing isn’t my destiny after all. As you may have heard, I wasn’t invited to last month’s trip to Yosemite. Lately, I’ve heard rumors of an upcoming canyoneering trip to Zion National Park in Utah. I bet I’m not going to be invited to that either. I can totally onsite a 5.1, so I don’t know why the others don’t think I’m skilled enough to join.

I’ve been hanging out with Phillip more lately. Okay say what you will, but he’s an alright guy. So what if he’s completely sober and the rest of us are alcoholics? So what if he works a 9-5 accounting job while the rest of us wear blue collars and dig holes in the backyard of the Gnome Abode. He’s been a great encouragement to me lately and trying to get me into other shit.

He tried to get me to read a book. That was lame. But he bribed me with wine, so I spaced out at the page and pretended to play along until I was buzzed enough to pass out and postpone my woes until the next day.

We decided to take some art classes together. This week was “colored pencil drawing class”. The upcoming classes are all about making sculptures, pottery, and painting. I feel like the crappiest artist ever, but Phillip says I have promise. In fact, he says I have a really good shot at landing a position at the super prestigious corporation, Free Crappy Portratis Inc., www.freecrappyportraits.com. 

So here’s my first work of art. Phillip says I should start contacting galleries because this scene encompasses a true form of originality that has been forgotten in modern artistic society.

So tell me straight up. What would you pay for this masterpiece? I need to know what to set as my low ball pitch when I go in tomorrow afternoon to the Chicago Art Institute.

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About Horace

I’m that gnome who always thinks the lawn is greener on the other side. Sure, I’e practically had life handed to me on a silver mushroom, but still I feel that he is missing out on something great that I should be. My destiny is not being fulfilled within the confines of this spirit that I cannot accept as my own. I recently lost 0.04 ounces since I set his New Year resolution. I’m trying to stay motivated to work out and stop being a Fatty MaGoo. Recently I’ve has taken up rock climbing. Stay tuned…

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