“Yeah, I’m having a bachelor party too”. – King Jerry


My loyal subjects,

You all keep asking me if I’m having a bachelor party. I’m tired of these questions. I can only assume this is because my queen-to-be, Tabitha, made this whole big deal about her bachelorette party. Typical woman gnome.

Yeah, I’m having a bachelor party too.

Just fly to Vegas ASAP and text me.


This is why.

And if you don’t, I’ll have you beheaded. I’ve improved upon my beheading skills lately and am looking to try them out.

Your cold-footed and cold-hearted leader,
King Jerry of All Gnomekind

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About Jerry

I am the king of all of the gnomes. You can bow down to me now. No, seriously I mean it. BOW!

I earned the title of Gnome King because I was the very first gnome that our glorious Master/Goddess picked up one hazy day at dollar store in DeKalb, Illinois. I carry a hoe because I’m just THAT pimp. As you can see, I love to smoke various substances and get tangled up in things.

I have everything to say about everything and I’m sure that I have made your life worth living again. You’re welcome.


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