My loyal subjects,

You all keep asking me if I’m having a bachelor party. I’m tired of these questions. I can only assume this is because my queen-to-be, Tabitha, made this whole big deal about her bachelorette party. Typical woman gnome.

Yeah, I’m having a bachelor party too.

Just fly to Vegas ASAP and text me.

Why?

This is why.

And if you don’t, I’ll have you beheaded. I’ve improved upon my beheading skills lately and am looking to try them out.

Your cold-footed and cold-hearted leader,
King Jerry of All Gnomekind