About Jerry

I am the king of all of the gnomes. You can bow down to me now. No, seriously I mean it. BOW!

I earned the title of Gnome King because I was the very first gnome that our glorious Master/Goddess picked up one hazy day at dollar store in DeKalb, Illinois. I carry a hoe because I’m just THAT pimp. As you can see, I love to smoke various substances and get tangled up in things.

I have everything to say about everything and I’m sure that I have made your life worth living again. You’re welcome.


Gnome Party Ideas for Festive Fun!

I miss going to parties…and festivals, concerts, and social gatherings with friends and family. How about you? This pandemic year has been hard on many of us who are missing out on having fun plans with favorite people. But with a little help from the magical red-hatted ones, you can still plan and host a party – even if it’s just for your kids, spouse, or your collection of gnomes!

Just in time for the upcoming winter holidays, here are some gnome-themed party ideas to inspire you and bring a little joy to the end of your year!

Gnome-themed party invitations
Gnome party table setting
Gnome plates, cups & napkins
Birthday gnome banner
Hats for everyone!
Plan a craft activity!

Vintage 1978 Plush Forest Gnome Arrives at The Gnome Abode

Drunk gnomes love good company. And yesterday, we received a sparkling new addition to our family.


This little guy showed up at our doorstep most unexpectedly. I nearly turned the postman away, telling him that I hadn’t ordered any more cases of wine and that I didn’t appreciate solicitation.

Fortunately, some of the more sober gnomes in the house persuaded me to take in the package and begin tearing the cardboard box away. photo (1)

He seemed a little frazzled as he crawled his way out of the box. You see, he is a vintage 1978 gnome, created in the spirit of Wil Huygen’s legendary book, Gnomes.

We repeatedly asked where he came from, but as a gnome of few words, all he could do was simply gesture at his manufactured labeling.

“Knickerbocker” – read one label.

“Unieboek” – read another.

If you’re unaware, these are big names in the world of gnomes. We quickly realized that we had a full-blown celebrity on our doorstep!

photo (2)

He’s still a little shy and smells a teensy bit like grandma’s attic. But his fashion sense and hygiene is impeccable. You’d never know that the ole’ bastard is 35 years old in human years. That’s 275 in gnome years – and in the prime of his life, as the box kindly points out.

So let’s all take a moment to welcome our newest addition to The Gnome Abode!

Somebody buy this guy a drink!

And somebody give him a name! Sadly, he doesn’t seem to have arrived with his “Hello, My Name Is…” badge intact.

Cheers buddy!
King Jerry the Gnome

Merry Christmas from the Drunk Gnomes!

Chug-a-lug, gnomies! Tis the season for lots n’ lots of NOG!

photo (6)

Santa gnome finally showed up. And that baby gnome finally popped out in the manger. So yeah, it’s pretty much a party over here.

Anyhoo – all of us at The Drunk Gnome would like to wish all of you weird Internet stalking weirdos a very merry Christmas.And if you don’t celebrate Christmas, then just look at today as a great excuse to drink without being judged too harshly.


Drunk Gnomes Have Blogged 400 Times!

Well jump start my scooter and call me Susie. The blue collar gnomes that work inside the interweb just sent me an exciting memo.

We drunk gnomes blogged a whopping 400 times! That’s 100 four times over. Also known as 20 twenty times over. That’s as much math as my tiny ceramic brain can handle in one sitting, so I hope you get the picture.

gnome shoulder

Since we began infiltrating your daily dose of interweb usage in February 2012, we’ve somehow managed to find 400 unique and enthralling things to write about gnomes. Quite an amazing feat if you really stop to think about it for a moment.

That was’t a rhetorical statement. I’m literally telling you to stop to think for a moment.

Are you thinking?

The moment isn’t over.

Think some more.

 Okay fine, you can stop now. Sheesh, are you really that hungover? Yeah, me too.


For the sake of celebration, let’s take a look at some of our favorite posts that come to mind:

Ahhh…memories. Reminisce with me for a moment.

This is when you’re supposed to sigh deeply in response. Do I have to spell out everything for you!?

Whatever, I’ll let it slide this once. It’s Saturday after all.

So I’ll leave you with a toast in poetic form:

400 posts down

400 to go

Drunk gnomes rule

Pip pip cheerio

Jerry, King of All Gnomekind

A Shout Out to All Gnome Veterans

Gnomes tend to be lovers, not fighters. But sometimes, we are called on to defend ourselves and the liberties of all gnomekind. We may be small, but we know how to kick you in the shin and give you a hearty dose of name-calling.

So here’s a shout out to all gnome veterans who have proudly served The Gnome Abode in times of peace, war, and drunken stupors.


These brave dude and lady gnomes have carried heavy ceramic guns, even when their weary, miniature arms would rather be double-fisting bottles of rum.


These righteous soldier gnomes have worn camouflage even when it looks terrible with their skin tones.

And these hardcore badasses have kept our fortresses full of liquor, no matter what the cost.


So here’s to you, gnome soldiers! May you continue to fight so we can drink!

We salute you. Cheers!

Your Majesty,
King Jerry the Gnome