I took a “mental health” day from the diner today think I’ve stumbled upon the hottest new literary trend….gnome porn!
Let me take a step back. Running a diner has run me ragged the past few weeks. After begging and pleading with my boyfriend, Humps, (Boyfriend. Boyfriend? Is he my boyfriend? Shit. I dunno. Do I even like him anymore? Eh. Moving on!) he hired a couple new employees so I don’t have pull those nasty 21 hour shifts anymore.
I don’t know why I’m bothering to work, really. Jobs are kinda lame. Dude gnomes just buy stuff for me because, well…you know. I think I just like the diner because it’s named after me.
Roxy’s Diner. Has a nice ring, doesn’t it?
Anyway it’s my day off and I’m not gonna think about that place today.
My new BFF is this hot lizard chick who just started bartending at The Gnomecino. She has a ton of tattoos and I’m totally inspired to get tatted up myself. Just trying to decide on a design and where I want it.
Suggestions, anyone?
Anyway, she loaned me a book to read today and told me that I’d love it. I was like, a book? Reading? LAME! But she’s like uh uh girlfriend, it’s gnome porn….just check it out, bitch.
So this morning I ran a bubble bath, set a box of wine next to the tub, and opened the (gah) book. It’s called Gnome on the Range, by Jennifer Zane.
Holy crap, Jennifer…I’m still in the tub, my delicate gnome skin is super wrinkly, I’m turned on, and the room is spinning. Here’s what other gnome porn fans have to say about the book:
I’m over two thirds done with the book and plan to stay in the bath til I’m done. I don’t read fast, but the words aren’t that big so it’s all gooooood.
Those lizard ladies sure do know their shit.
Ahhhhhhhh,
Roxy The Gnome