My wild night with a duck-riding gnome

 

Hey ya’ll, so does anyone know this guy?

I think we hooked up last night and I can’t seem to find his name or number anywhere in my apartment. God I hate myself when I do this..

It all started when my boss/pimp/boyfriend, Humps, and I went out to dinner.

Actually, we never even got any dinner. This shitty restaurant he took me too had the worst freaking service EVER and we sat staring at empty bowls for almost an hour! Humps was clearly bored sitting there with me and kept texting his “other girls” under the table. He denied it, of course. Little does the bastard know how good my peripheral vision is!

At one point, I looked over and he had a huge smile on himself and seemed to be giggling. He looks really stupid when he giggles….with that bobble head and all. He noticed me staring, cleared his throat, and quickly made up some excuse about a late-night business meeting with a high-roller casino client that he had to duck out for.

As he awkwardly grabbed his coat and headed toward the door, I decided to get the waitress’ attention by pulling my dress over my head and flashing the entire restaurant. It worked!

I had her cancel our food order and bring me three bottles of wine instead.

By this point, I had made best friends with all the single dude gnomes in the room. Boys are so sweet once you pull your dress up! One dude actually rode over on a duck to introduce himself.

A duck! For realz!

Duck dude ordered a couple more bottles of wine and before I knew it, I didn’t even remember being pissed off at Humps! I think I took a ride on that duck….and other things….but I can’t really be sure. Apparently, one of the bars we went to after the restaurant had a photo booth, and that’s where I got that pic of us. Whoever came up with that whole photo booth idea is a genius.

So…..hottie on a duck? Hey! Where are you? Who are you? Text me!

I’m trying to be single again! That is, unless Humps puts another bounty on me for straying. But whatever, these are all problems we can work through. I’m sure he won’t do to you what he did to the last gnome!

Text me!

XOXO
Roxy The Gnome

This entry was posted in Secrets of a Slutty Girl Gnome by Roxy. Bookmark the permalink.

About Roxy

So whaddya think of my tits? C’mon. I’m the only girl gnome in this whole bunch. How could I NOT be a slut? I would certainly welcome other gnome girlfriends but I yet to find a single one. If you see one hookin’ a street corner, send her my way, eh? I stay out too late, I drink too much, and I find myself in sketchy situations on a daily basis. But you’ll love the stories that come out of it, cross my tits. 

XOXO

Roxy

 

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