Lizards > Gnomes x 100,000,000

I’m surrounded by these little critters who have no purpose in life and try to prove to the world that life revolves around them. Well you know what? IT DOES NOT!

I was here first. I have been sleeping with Master/Goddess Alyssa (yes ex-boyfriends, eat your heart out) for about ten years now. This is my domain and you all need to step off.

I never used to be so bitter and jaded. But you know how it gets when you’re wrinkle cream starts to be a waste of time and the world starts passing you by. Sometimes I feel so small. So insignificant.

Mini lizard

Do you have any idea how long it took me to hack into this stupid gnome blog? They’re outside screwing around for most of the day, so it wasn’t difficult getting computer access. But lizards aren’t exactly known for their technological capacity, so yeah….this is why I’m just now making my second post.

This is really just a plea for help. Someone get me out of this gnomeish hellhole. Someone help me find meaning in this wasted existence. Speaking of wasted, I think I saw a partially opened bottle of champagne in the fridge when I crawled out from under it earlier this evening. I mean, champagne goes bad if it’s left open like more than an hour or something, right.

Irregardlessly, to the fridge I go. Fellow lizard comments welcome. Gnomes can go fuck themselves.

Hugs & Kisses,

St. Bastille Day

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