Gwen Stefani, vaginas, and nail polish

Well I guess no one is out there reading this after all because I’m still hanging out eating cereal and watching cable in this stranger’s house. I took a shower and got all the green jello off though. It wasn’t easy, believe me. That stuff gets in places….you have no idea.

A few gnome dudes come in and out of the house during the day, but they barely even notice I’m here. I think I’ve stumbled upon some sort of hippie commune. I’ve been reading about those on the interweb. I still haven’t found my magenta stiletto, but I did find a cute pair of silver flats in under a couch in the living room. They’re a teensy bit too big for me, but I don’t dare walk around here with bare feet. I’ve seen some bugs crawling. What kind of bugs? Don’t ask me that! How the hell should I know. And no, I haven’t gotten used to bugs from living outside most of my life either.

It’s hard being the only girl gnome in a family of eleven. My ten brothers never understood why these weird things started sticking out of my chest or why I spent two hours every day curling my golden locks around my pointy gnome hat. “Just stick it on and hurry up!” they’d yell. OMG! WTF? My brothers never understood me. I ran away last week because I had to prove to them that I wasn’t a mistake. Mom and Dad always told me I was the “oops” but I’m NOT an “oops” just because I’m a girl!

Gwen Stefani said it best….

I'm just a girl!

So whatever, here I am. Waiting for something to happen. Waiting for someone to notice me. Waiting to see another girl gnome somewhere! ANYWHERE! Sheesh I know you’re out there! If you can hear (read) me, write me back PLEASE! I need to talk about vaginas and nail polish for godssake.

xoxo

Roxy the Gnome

This entry was posted in Secrets of a Slutty Girl Gnome by Roxy. Bookmark the permalink.

About Roxy

So whaddya think of my tits? C’mon. I’m the only girl gnome in this whole bunch. How could I NOT be a slut? I would certainly welcome other gnome girlfriends but I yet to find a single one. If you see one hookin’ a street corner, send her my way, eh? I stay out too late, I drink too much, and I find myself in sketchy situations on a daily basis. But you’ll love the stories that come out of it, cross my tits. 

XOXO

Roxy

 

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