As a spiritual leader and motivational speaker for the troubled youth in our disintegrating community, I escorted a group of troubled young gnomes to the nearby botanical gardens this afternoon after this Sunday’s service.
Since I was a wee lad back in the old country, I have always been able to find the truth, the light, and the way in the beauty of nature.
I’m not really sure if those hooligans found any religious enlightenment or spiritual awakening or not. I’m also pretty sure I caught a glimpse of a couple of those slutty girl gnomes smoking cigarettes behind the banana trees. 
But to keep the peace, I turned a blind eye and took a swig of wine from the communion chalice I’d been refilling all day long. It is my Savior’s own blood after all!
Moments later, I felt myself being exalted high above my worldly concerns about the hooligans that society obligated me to supervise. I reclined back into the grasp of pure bliss and let my soul float up towards the rain drops falling upon my plastic skin and down my beard.
I think there’s a bus that will take those hooligans back to their neglectful parents, isn’t there?
*zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz*
The Book of Genesis The Gnome