Galena, Illinois markets itself as a wholesome, family friendly sort of place. But lately, it’s the absolute last place we’d let our gnome children run around.

A gang of badass biker gnomes have infiltrated northwest Illinois and don’t plan to leave anytime soon.

These exclusive photos were snapped by a master gnome scout while trying to enjoy a vacation in Galena with her husband. Their quaint vacation quickly plagued by fear of violence, lawlessness, and terror.

Due to the badass biker gnomes very recent appearance in this community, we cannot be what they are capable of or exactly how dangerous they are a this point. We are not yet even sure what the motorcycle gang calls themselves. Their activity is being closely monitored by GPD and details will be released once officially confirmed.

At this point, all we really know is that we’re freaked out. These gnomes are not like us and we’re not comfortable with their leather-wearing, sunglass-wearing, motorcycle-riding ways.

So where do these types of gnomes originate, you ask? Our first obvious guess was the South. But we did track down at least one of their points of origin. And it wasn’t too hard either. Apparently, these leather-wearing bad-mouthed degenerates are whoring themselves out on the Interweb!

Despicable.

So Galena, Illinois….be careful out there. While you’re wining, dining, and 69’ing with your sweetheart this holiday season…credible gnomish danger could be just around the corner, ready to slash your ceramic throat with a whip and chain.

Peace be with you, and also with you.
Kamikaze The Gnome