WHO: Every last one of you gnomes. This is crucial to our survival.
WHAT: Emergency Gnome Meeting
WHEN: Tonight at 8:00pm CST
WHERE: Fireside Bowling Alley in Logan Square
WHY: Our gnome blog has been hacked by our fiercest lizard enemy, St. Bastille Day. He has claimed to have overthrown our gnomish government and seized the thrown as king. As you all know, this is bullshit and I AM YOUR KING.
Photographic evidence of ingnomane torture has surfaced as the cover photo on our blog. We will not stand for this! Now is the time to reclaim what is rightfully ours!
He must be taken down. Not lightly, not slowly, but with force and without mercy. This is a call to arms for all of Gnomekind. Bring yo’ wives, bring yo’ kids, bring yo’ cheep beer, and bring yo’ ammunition.
Tonight, we go lizard hunting!
Your true and forever king,
Jerry The King Gnome