Emergency Gnome Meeting Tonight – Please RSVP ASAP

WHO: Every last one of you gnomes. This is crucial to our survival.

WHAT: Emergency Gnome Meeting

WHEN: Tonight at 8:00pm CST

WHERE: Fireside Bowling Alley in Logan Square

WHY: Our gnome blog has been hacked by our fiercest lizard enemy, St. Bastille Day. He has claimed to have overthrown our gnomish government and seized the thrown as king. As you all know, this is bullshit and I AM YOUR KING.

Photographic evidence of ingnomane torture has surfaced as the cover photo on our blog. We will not stand for this! Now is the time to reclaim what is rightfully ours!

He must be taken down. Not lightly, not slowly, but with force and without mercy. This is a call to arms for all of Gnomekind. Bring yo’ wives, bring yo’ kids, bring yo’ cheep beer, and bring yo’ ammunition.

 

 

Tonight, we go lizard hunting!

Your true and forever king,

Jerry The King Gnome

 

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About Jerry

I am the king of all of the gnomes. You can bow down to me now. No, seriously I mean it. BOW!

I earned the title of Gnome King because I was the very first gnome that our glorious Master/Goddess picked up one hazy day at dollar store in DeKalb, Illinois. I carry a hoe because I’m just THAT pimp. As you can see, I love to smoke various substances and get tangled up in things.

I have everything to say about everything and I’m sure that I have made your life worth living again. You’re welcome.

 

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