What GNOMES can teach YOU about your business

We drunk gnomes don’t read Forbes magazine much. Most of what we do (ahem, drinking) doesn’t make a whole lot of money, so we aren’t faced with difficult decisions about what to do with our nonexistent wealth.

However, a Forbes article caught my attention today. It’s called “What South Park Can Teach You about Business: Hint – Stealing Underpants Isn’t Enough.”


Even folks who aren’t into gnomes seem to be familiar with South Park’s “underpants” episode. In the episode, gnomes are subjected to pushing carts of nasty underpants around. To recap:

  • “What are you doing with all these underpants?” the boys ask.
  • The gnome confidently replies, “Oh, this is just the collection phase: Phase 1.”
  • “What is Phase 2?” Now the boys are getting really curious.
  • The gnome doesn’t know, so he introduces them to the CEO gnome, who fires up a PowerPoint presentation.
  • “We have a three-step plan for our business,” the CEO gnome proudly says as he clicks to the first slide. It says, “Phase 1: Collect Underpants.”
  • He clicks for Phase 2, which we see has no strategy—just a giant question mark. Phase 2 is blank.
  • He clicks again for Phase 3, and the slide reads, “Phase 3: Profit!!!” The gnomes cheer as the CEO reads this last step aloud. There is much rejoicing.

The Forbes article goes on to compare the underpants work of these gnomes to the modern human cubicle workers, who does know why he does what he does but keeps on doing it. It goes on to say that humans companies need to establish a clear vision and convey that to their employees in ways to make them give a shit.


It seems that not only humans need to give more of a shit, but gnomes do too. Why AREN’T we making more money? Why AREN’T we capitalizing on our own awesomeness? Why am I not on a boat in Maui?!

I’ve been King of The Gnome Abode for nearly two years an I can’t even afford a new pair of underpants!!!

I’m calling a town hall meeting, ya’ll. Everybody. To the big ass mushroom. NOW!

Your king,
Jerry the Gnome

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About Jerry

I am the king of all of the gnomes. You can bow down to me now. No, seriously I mean it. BOW!

I earned the title of Gnome King because I was the very first gnome that our glorious Master/Goddess picked up one hazy day at dollar store in DeKalb, Illinois. I carry a hoe because I’m just THAT pimp. As you can see, I love to smoke various substances and get tangled up in things.

I have everything to say about everything and I’m sure that I have made your life worth living again. You’re welcome.


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