Did you know that gnomish society has no child labor laws? Well, it’s true! Therefore,we wholeheartedly support putting your children to work for our benefit!

All across the country, children under the age of ten are being hired for contract construction work on gnome homes. Take for example the “Growing Up Wild” initiative in Mahomet, Illinois. The Pekin Times reported that preschoolers were recently hired to hike the Lake of the Woods Forest Preserve, gather supplies, and use fairy tokens to purchase building materials.

The benefits of using children to manufacturer our homes include:

• Small hands to reach into tight corners
• Ability to pay staff in cookies
• Inability of staff to interpret liability waivers
• Overwhelmingly high energy levels

If you have any children, I encourage you to fill out an employment application for them TODAY! That noisy little waste of space could soon be out of your hair and on his/her way to becoming a productive member of gnomish society!

To put your kid to work, please complete this Official Gnome Home Contractor Application and submit via email to [email protected].

We look forward to ruining as many innocent childhood memories as possible, while staying warm and dry!

Yours truly,
Kamikaze The Gnome