Olney, Illinois: Once Home to Albino Squirrels. Now Home to Gnomes.

Allow me to introduce you to a town in the middle of nowhere that goes by the name – Olney, Illinois.

Our Master and Goddess, Gnomeplaya, mentioned a long time ago that she was born in this random place. That alone makes it a magical place.

Olney is “famous” for it’s albino squirrels. Hey, c’mon….every place has got to famous for something, right?!

A couple of the guys and I decided to take the Jeep out for a road trip this past weekend to discover the magic first hand. It is no wonder that Gnomeplaya has ruled all of Gnomekind for so long. Her very own place of birth has a city park that features and entire GNOMEVILLE!

We introduced ourselves to the gnomes living in Olney’s Gnomeville. They had a bit of a southern accent and liked shitty beer, but they were definitely a bunch of alright ole chaps.

It was freaking 95 degrees, but these diligent bastards just kept on working their fields. Shit. We got it easy at The Abode. I better count my lucky stars. Oh yeah….you can see stars down here too!

Southerners sure are sports fanatics. They kicked our asses in every game which way imaginable.

The gnomes in Olney are the primary caretakers for this rare breed of albino squirrels. They slather SPF 105 on their pasty fur at least once an hour just to keep them from becoming common, boring squirrels.

Their houses were exquisitely built and welcoming. I’ve started to develop some new interior design ideas for our own place when we get back home and convince Gnomeplaya make a stop at Gnome Depot for essential supplies.

These gnomes did laundry, rode beetles, carried baskets, and drank from mushrooms. They’re just like us! The gnome world has never felt smaller! I mean, it’s always kind of small but “small” is relative. It’s not the size that matters. True dat.

We totally respected the Olney gnomes of Gnomeville because they stayed true to their roots and took care of an endangered species that has little to no effect on the entire rest of the gnome and/or human world.

This chubbster shown here with the squirrels, who goes by Ralph, is my new pen pal. I’m going to try to get him to write a blog post from time to time, but they’ve never heard of the Interweb down there, so this could be a long-term project.


Kamikaze The Gnome

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