Gnome Scandal Revealed! Gnome Promiscuity Investigated!

Good afternoon, my minions.

One of our Gnome Scouts, “Hurricane”, snapped this candid photo of two gnomes making out on a balcony. A PUBLIC balcony! Right in plain sight! Have they no shame?

A true lady would never be caught in such a promiscuous and disgraceful position. It is times like this that I must quote the lyrical genius, Ludacris.

“We want a lady in the street but a freak in the bed.” ~ Ludacris

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M7mXwCktyIY

 

As the high class lady that I was raised to be, I am truly appalled at the direction in which our gnomish culture is turning. I’ve been researching promiscuity since 7am to see how I can help to put a stop to this epidemic. One thing I am sure about….I’m never going to Finland! They are rated the #1 promiscuous country! But then again, what is there really else to do in Finland. The United States, where The Gnome Abode is, comes in at #22. Well at least in 2000. Perhaps the figures were skewed back then due to the impending doom of Y2K.

Since apparently Roxy has gone on some equally appalling hitchhiking mission, I am the only woman left here. I need to set an example of morality to this lawless gnome community so that they look up to me as a figure of purity when I get King Jerry to make me his wife.

How’s that going, you ask? Eh I don’t know. He booty-called me at 3am completely SMASHED after a night out with the boys. Yes, I let him come over. No, I’m not a hypocrite!

Okay, back to my promiscuity research. I had to take a break and blog a bit because I was getting too turned on. You wouldn’t believe what they put on websites these days!

Oooo ahhh,

Tabitha The Gnome

This entry was posted in Intoxicated Gnomish Escapades and Ramblings, Secrets of a Slutty Girl Gnome by Tabitha. Bookmark the permalink.

About Tabitha

I was presented with an opportunity, I seized it, and here I am in this so called “Gnome Abode”. Last weekend, I hesitantly vacated my extravagant mansion with an ocean view in California with one mission: To manipulate the King of the Gnomes into making me his wife so I can rule the gnome world and beyond.

I’ve heard rumors that he’s a pushover. I’ve also heard that the only other female gnome here is a total  skank.

Allow me to introduce myself…I am Tabitha and you will soon be worshiping me as your Queen as I rise in the ranks of high gnome society.

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